As Washington D.C. wakes up to rumors of Peyton Manning possibly coming to play for the Redskins, the Beltway comes to a screeching halt.
Fine, the Beltway is always like that (damn D.C. traffic) but people around here are talking, and they are amped up.
Going totally apeshit is probably a better way to put it.
UPDATE: The NFL has told all 32 teams that players can wear special shoes and gloves to commemorate the anniversary.
This Sunday marks the 10 year anniversary of the tragic events that happened to our country on September 11. There have been all sorts of news stories and retrospectives in the media leading up to this day. In addition, many cities around the nation are planning to remember the day and the lives lost with tributes and moments of silence.
Sunday is also the opening weekend of the 2011 NFL season. In honor of the anniversary and to remind us to NEVER FORGET, Reebok has created some shoes and gloves to honor the fallen and to celebrate this amazing country we live in. (Reebok, by the way, is the official outfitter of the NFL.)
Some NFL players have decided to don these shoes and gloves for the 9-11 anniversary in games on Sunday. This is obviously against NFL uniform rules. (If you’ve never see what the rules are, you should really take a gander at all the things one CANNOT do while wearing an NFL uniform.) But these players don’t care.
Chicago Bears linebacker Lance Briggs, who I would like to slap most days because he’s a selfish asshole, is saying fines be damned and will be wearing the 9-11 tribute gear. According to his Twitter, he says it will be “by far the best fine I will ever pay.”
Other players, including Chiefs running back Jamaal Charles, Redskins tight end Chris Cooley and at least one player from the Chargers plan to wear the Reebok gear and take the hit, which could be close anywhere from $5,000 to $15,000.
But as Briggs pointed out, when the League does the pink gear in support of breast cancer awareness, players are allowed to wear that throughout the rest of the season.
However, NFL spokesman Greg Aiello sent an email to ESPN Radio’s “Mike & Mike In The Morning” show this morning saying that Briggs “thinks he will be fined. I don’t think he will be.”
Let’s hope not.
It looks as if the Redskins and the Vikings have completed their trade for McNabb, bringing Donovan to the Vikings and the Redskins getting… anything they could get. Couple of draft picks or something. Does it matter? I think what matters most is the the Redskins decided that 78 million dollars can be better spent. For example:
You could buy one of those tiny giraffes from the DirectTV commercials.
You could buy everything in the “As Seen On TV” store.
You could rent high profile billboards on major interstates for the sole purpose of mocking Brett Favre, and even have enough leftover for… 300 flying cars.
Now I ask you: What’s better? Donovan McNabb or 300 flying cars?
The answer: One flying car is better. If you even thought about this question, you have been eliminated. (taps index card on podium, offers disapproving head wag)
Next Question:
Would you rather have 70 cars that turn into boats, or one Donovan McNabb for 4 months?
If you answered Donovan McNabb, you are dead inside. Boat cars are one of God’s greatest gifts to man. Imagine you go to the beach with your friends, turn to one and say, “Hey, you want to go to Cuba?” How fucking cool would that be? You could basically have your own navy of awesome boat cars… or Donovan McNabb. And your boat car will never whine about its knee and will eventually learn the overtime rules. Is there really a choice here? No.
Next question. This one’s for double the points:
How many Brett Favres does it take to screw in a light bulb?
“Screw? Who said screw? Yee-haw!!” -Brett Favre
(See? If I had 78 million dollars, this is exactly the kind of thing I would do on billboards all over the country. Then I would just fly around in my fleet of awesome flying cars and laugh all of the time.)
The terms of the Minnesota deal weren’t disclosed, but it’s probably in the 35 flying car range. And if you remember our formula from earlier (1 flying car = better than Donovan McNabb), you can extrapolate that the Vikings got ripped off.
Tarvaris Jackson is now in Seattle, and if you listen closely, you can still hear Seahawk fans cheering, “Oh.”
Can you tell I’m still bitter about the lockout? Well, I am. Whatever.
Ticket to watch the Tampa Bay Buccaneers play the Washington Redskins: $100
One Beer at Fex Ex Field: $7
One hot dog at Dan Snyder’s House of Rip Offs: $5
Watching the Redskins score in the last :07 to make the score 17 – 16 needing only the extra point to send the game into overtime in the cold, cold rain and then watching Nick Sundberg snap the ball too high seeing it slip through Hunter Smith’s hands and then bounce all over the field for a while then jumping up and down and hugging strangers just because they were also wearing Bucs jerseys: Priceless
Yes, Virginia, There is a Santa Claus. Even with that fifth down touchdown the Washington offense still couldn’t save itself from the Redskin’s special teams.
Why so Glum, Shanahan? Oh right. Now you have to fire all of your special teams coaches and players.
It was a Christmas Miracle!
This photo is also a miracle. I think the Bucs are wizards. Leviosa!
Happy birthday to me.
Poor Gano. That guy had a shitty day.
[photos: Larry French / Getty Images]
NOW I have seen everything.
Really. Chris Cooley chugging condiments while listening to A-ha? Check. Chris Cooley eating Pam? (The cooking spray, not the woman.) Check.
I think Barry at Deadspin put it best when he said:
Our old friend Chris Cooley is back. No, he’s not showing us his penis this time. But after seeing this video, we almost wish he had.
I concur.
As will you. Go to Chris Cooley’s blog and watch this.
The Redskins must be so proud!
[image: Getty]
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