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Who Dun It??? The Tom Brady Knee Injury Saga

Funny...

I don’t know if you use the internet. I do. A lot. Mostly Twitter. Which is where I heard the devastating news earlier today about Tom Brady’s knee injury. Thankfully, Twitter was there for me in my time of need. During this hours-long saga, where actual news reports were few and far between, Twitter kept me entertained, and informed. I’ve rounded up some possible explanations for what exactly went down on the field today, and who is behind this whole terrible ordeal, and posted them here, for you. You can thank me later with a cold brew or two. Or you could watch the video footage and make a determination for yourself.

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It’s What the Patriots Do

Tebow Tebowing

It’s so tempting to point and laugh at the New England Patriots.

Dark Lord Bill Belichick and the Pats signed Tim Tebow on Tuesday, prompting much giggling, especially among Jets fans.

As much fun as it would be to jump in with both feet, I can’t. Because I have this nagging feeling that Tebow is going to work out for the Patriots.

And that’s bad for the rest of us.

When we did our series of video NFL predictions last fall, I found myself telling my fellow Draft Day Suiters the same thing more than once when we discussed the Pats: “It’s what they do.” Come up with big stops against offenses that should be able to score on New England’s geriatric defense? It’s what they do. Put up 40 points on what we previously thought was a good defense? It’s what they do.

Get extra mileage out of players who don’t seem to fit anywhere else? It’s what they do.

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Bad Lip Reading. Good Times.

Brady Coach still hat

I enjoy attempting to lip read during NFL games. Sure, it isn’t quite as good as it was when Jon Gruden was coaching, but you can still learn some really good curses watching the sidelines.

This video has been all over the place this week, but the staff here at Draft Day Suit enjoyed it so much we wanted to make sure nobody missed it.

Seriously funny.

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Tom Brady Montage of Ammonia-Soaked Sadness

Now that a few days have passed, let’s revisit some of the moments that Tom Brady had to apparently sniff ammonia to get through, as the Pats lost to the Jets on Sunday.


Yeah, ammonia, Brady said on the WEEI Dennis & Callahan radio show Monday.

We all do it. It’s kind of a receiver and quarterback thing.

It’s legal, sayeth the NFL. The New York Times reported that NFL rep Greg Aiello e-mailed to say it wasn’t prohibited but it was a practice monitored by their “medical advisors.”

But anyway, it didn’t help.

Brady also got some shots in at Antonio Cromartie and the Jets, basically saying it was too bad that they got their confidence from trash talk and that was why they won the game.

When you’ve had a good year, you can say whatever you want to say. I wish we’d won just to be able to shut them up. But we didn’t, so it just validates what they think it takes to win. That’s where they get their confidence from. Like I said, I certainly wish we’d went out and executed a lot better. But we didn’t.

This says nothing about what it takes to really win a game in the end, which is to put more points up on the board. The Jets may have mouthed off pre- and post-game, but it wasn’t just their confidence that kept Tom Brady from scoring, right?

There there, ammonia boy.

Images, from top:

Elsa, Getty Images
Jim Rogash, Getty Images
Michael Heiman, Getty Images

Rex Ryan and Wes Welker Take Foot Fetishes Mainstream

So I’m watching my local news last night and sports reporter Lindsay Czarniak started talking about Pats’ wide receiver Wes Welker giving a press conference about their playoff game tomorrow against the New York Jets.

She said, and I totally paraphrase, “Oh, you know how Rex Ryan loves his wife’s feet. He thinks they’re sexy. There’s a video going around the Internet and everybody’s trash-talking him.”

It should be noted that Ryan has never officially confirmed or denied that it is actually his wife in those videos or that he filmed them. But yes, this presser with Welker stood out because it just happened to be littered with foot-related comments. This was an homage, one can make the mental leap, to the world’s exposure late last year to Ryan‘s foray into internet displays of foot fetishism.

Wes Welker jabs Rex Ryan over foot fetish video: MyFoxBOSTON.com

Several players had “great feet,” Welker har-de-har’d. They needed to put their best foot forward and be good little foot soldiers. I got bored of counting at nine foot references, but some places say there were 11. Afterwards Jets linebacker Bart Scott puffed out his chest and got all indignant (and kind of threatening, it must be said) and said Welker should be careful what he said about Ryan, because his “days in a uniform will be numbered.

What? What is Bart Scott going to do? Get Wes Welker fired? Steal his uniforms? CRUSH HIM LIKE A BUG?

Players on both sides have been yapping for days. Antonio Cromartie called Tom Brady an asshole. Brady said he hated the Jets awhile back in an interview about their appearance on Hard Knocks. And Peter King from Sports Illustrated tweeted that NFL Vice President Ray ANderson reportedly contacted all eight playoff teams and told them to knock off the trash talk and respect the game. (No word on whether he had a special phone call for Hines Ward.)

Now, I’m a big fan of Lindsay’s. I can’t imagine when she sleeps. She covers pretty much every sport, is constantly on location, does features with players that don’t suck and is in the studio for the late-night news more often than not. But it made me twitchy to hear her giggle over Rex Ryan’s videos of his wife’s feet on the internet, while she’s reporting on a press conference even where several double entendres about said feet were made. I’m not sure her affectionate, virtual-punch-to-Rex-Ryan’s-shoulder tone about how this silly little fetish has been big news lately really works for news.

Or anything, for that matter. I don’t think Rex Ryan’s foot fetish makes me comfortable at all. Maybe that’s the problem and I need to work that out in this forum.

Or maybe I was just in danger of dying from the stupid of it all, who knows.

And yes, I know they were allegedly his wife’s feet and not those of some anonymous internet foot fetish floozy, so that’s good. Do what you need to do to keep it fresh and exciting, I guess.

I just don’t think it needs to be pardoned on the nightly news. Or discussed in a press conference, for that matter, but at least that was funny.

That’s called putting my foot in my mouth, if you’re playing along at home. Next step? Actually watching a football game to see who actually wins at something other than running his mouth.

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