If you’ve heard this story once, you’ve heard it a thousand times. I almost don’t even want to bore you with it, but whatever. It’s the job.
Anyway, boy meets boy, they drink some mushroom tea, they become convinced a tidal wave is going to consume the earth beginning the chain of events that triggers the apocalypse. An epic battle between good and evil ensues, one man taking on the role as God, the other the Devil, and in the end, God wins by cutting out Lucipher’s tongue and removing his heart. BOOOOORIIIING…
So, how was your weekend? I did some shopping, but it was kind of rainy here. I hadn’t considered the likelihood of it being the result of a struggle between Heaven and Hell, but come to think of it, it was kind of windy, too.
MMA fighter Jarrod Wyatt and some friends drank some mushroom tea. They began hallucinating, bla bla bla, the heavens rained sulphur, volcanoes erupted, Rip Taylor ran out of confetti, it was basically the worst day ever, which became clearly evident when Jarrod saw the Devil in one of his friend’s faces. This would prove to be a super bad thing for Jarrod’s friend.
The men became convinced that a tidal wave would soon envelop them, that it was the beginning of the end, and that the lines were now being drawn between good and evil. Apparently, Jarrod said “I call God.” (Which is kind of crap. That’s not even fair. You just can’t call “God” in the apocalypse game. That’s like taking Tiger in Tiger Woods Golf on Xbox and making your friend take Ian Woosnam. Whatever, I don’t know how those guys play, but when my friends and I play apocalypse, we do a jump ball for God, at the very least a coin flip.)
After the earth shook and we all contemplated our existence at a barbecue, Jarrod would then allegedly tell police that he cut out his friend’s tongue and removed his heart, going a couple of steps further than I do when my friends and I play. Our games usually end with the devil being cast down to Hell (the basement to retrieve more beers from the beer fridge for God and the other angels.)
It’s highly likely that Wyatt will be charged with murder, and I’m glad to hear that. I think it qualifies. Unless this guy actually is God.
Could be. You try to grow a poodle out of your head. It’s not the flowing white beard I’d imagined, but I have to admit, growing a poodle out of your skull will go a longer way in convincing me that you’re God than a stupid beard. If it starts barking, you get a “not guilty” and a “Hail Mary” from me right now.
Mayopie thinks he’s humorous, but we all know better. His blog is here.