It looks as if the Redskins and the Vikings have completed their trade for McNabb, bringing Donovan to the Vikings and the Redskins getting… anything they could get. Couple of draft picks or something. Does it matter? I think what matters most is the the Redskins decided that 78 million dollars can be better spent. For example:
You could buy one of those tiny giraffes from the DirectTV commercials.
You could buy everything in the “As Seen On TV” store.
You could rent high profile billboards on major interstates for the sole purpose of mocking Brett Favre, and even have enough leftover for… 300 flying cars.
Now I ask you: What’s better? Donovan McNabb or 300 flying cars?
The answer: One flying car is better. If you even thought about this question, you have been eliminated. (taps index card on podium, offers disapproving head wag)
Would you rather have 70 cars that turn into boats, or one Donovan McNabb for 4 months?
If you answered Donovan McNabb, you are dead inside. Boat cars are one of God’s greatest gifts to man. Imagine you go to the beach with your friends, turn to one and say, “Hey, you want to go to Cuba?” How fucking cool would that be? You could basically have your own navy of awesome boat cars… or Donovan McNabb. And your boat car will never whine about its knee and will eventually learn the overtime rules. Is there really a choice here? No.
Next question. This one’s for double the points:
How many Brett Favres does it take to screw in a light bulb?
“Screw? Who said screw? Yee-haw!!” -Brett Favre
(See? If I had 78 million dollars, this is exactly the kind of thing I would do on billboards all over the country. Then I would just fly around in my fleet of awesome flying cars and laugh all of the time.)
The terms of the Minnesota deal weren’t disclosed, but it’s probably in the 35 flying car range. And if you remember our formula from earlier (1 flying car = better than Donovan McNabb), you can extrapolate that the Vikings got ripped off.
Tarvaris Jackson is now in Seattle, and if you listen closely, you can still hear Seahawk fans cheering, “Oh.”
Can you tell I’m still bitter about the lockout? Well, I am. Whatever.