Love him or hate him, I personally have never seen anyone able to take over a game on offense AND defense like LeBron. No pass is safe and no shot is safe when he decides he wants the ball.  When he wants to, he can dominate a game like no other. Last night, I guess he didn’t want to.

I was one of the critics who was almoooost silenced while watching the Heat get it together and become the most dangerous team in the NBA.  But when the arguably the most talented man who has ever stepped onto a court delivers 8 points in a losing Finals effort and is playing like a high school kid who has just been told his girlfriend is pregnant, it has to call into question whether or not he buckles when the pressure is the most intense.

In my opinion, he left Cleveland because of the pressure. Every year it was the same thing: “Why haven’t you won one LeBron? You can’t be the greatest until you win one.”  So rather than building a team to lead, he went to be a role player on another team, and now he’s seemingly content to let Wade and Bosh do it all by themselves.

As we remember the greatest players in history, their ability was only part of the equation. Magic, Bird, Jordan… these guys weren’t just great basketball players, their hearts were enormous and they were fierce competitors. They were born leaders and inspired others to be great. Their presence made everyone better and it was their wills that lifted their teams to victory. Not just their play, but everything about them. They were in the game 1000%, especially in the Finals. Last night, LeBron was playing as if he had just finished watching the first episode of Lost.

First, let me apologize to Jason Kidd and ask him not to beat me up. Compared to LeBron, you are 4’11 and 72. Comparatively, I would be 4′ 7″ and 75 or something, and it’s not cool to beat up old people who are smaller than you. I’m not sure how it works if they’re bigger than you. I think then it’s okay.

The buzz around LeBron is warranted. He is just that awesome and why he’s constantly being compared to the greatest players in history. His talent as so immense that we expect him to be great and when he’s on, he’s unstoppable. But one has to question whether or not he has the heart of a champion. So far, he’s shown everything but.

It’s tough to be a reporter, truth-to-power, taking a stand in the face of adversity and all that.  And sometimes you need to dispel egregious misconceptions.  Sometimes, you need to point out that the emperor has no clothes.  You have to stand in the face of a thousand dissenting voices and yell, “NO!  This shall not stand!”  Let not the ocean of opposition drown you out.  You must defy all those who would silence you.  Thank God we have men such as these.  Thank God for Brian Windhorst.

I am shocked – shocked to find out things aren’t what we’ve been told they are here.  Contrary to the the scuttlebutt on Cleveland, turns out IT SUCKS!  Oh, wait, what?  How can that be? Didn’t I just hear Joakim Noah saying it was his favorite road city?

No?  I feel so deceived.  Every day we’re all bombarded with how great it is here and how shit doesn’t catch on fire and Drew Carey, blah, blah.

But — holy fuck — was I misled.  Now I find out it’s actually a gigantic putrid asshole?  Damn what would I have done without the intrepid Brian Windhorst?  What with all the jokes about how ridiculously great Cleveland is, one is almost forced to believe it the best place on earth.  I distinctly remember that not once did I hear anyone suggest LeBron’s “the decision” was based on the fact that no one would ever want to live in Cleveland by choice.

Now, almost a year later, he springs it on us.  I’m glad he was finally able to muster the courage.  I have to think his job is now on the line. But he’s taken the risk for us.  He’s revealed the truth despite the obvious peril it exposes him to. While I appreciate that, it’s almost too much to take.  Next thing you know he’ll be telling us it’s a BAD idea to put pictures of your cock on twitter.  (No jinx!)

Finally, the whole thing makes a lot more sense.  It was only a year ago Windhorst was saying LeBron “had blood on his hands” for his performance in the playoffs and that 2010 would be a “permanent mark” on his career.  Now we find out LeBron was just so distracted by the declining population in northeast Ohio that he forgot to make baskets!  His concern for our economic well-being was so great he had to shoot foul shots left-handed in order to demonstrate the backwardness and corruption rampant in Cuyahoga County!  It may have APPEARED he was standing idly by as his team fell apart, but in actuality he was busy drawing up ways to reconfigure the tax structure to attract new businesses.  I take back all the bad things I said about you, LeBron.  It’s shameful I was unable to solve this mystery myself when everything was right there in front of my face.

So carry on, Brian Windhorst.  Shine your beacon of truth wherever the dark shadows of deceit would obscure our vision.

Image: Clevescene.com

Who knew? Thank you, tall people, and thank you Dirk for doing some awesome stuff this postseason. 48 points the other night and… highest point scoring total in the fourth quarter in the last 10 NBA postseasons. That makes him King of the Tallies, people.

Of course, others on his team like Jason Kidd, Shawn Marion and Jason Terry do some stuff, too, and Jason Kidd has been around so long his name has become the definition of irony, I think. I’m not sure what the definition is, but if nothing else, it makes me giggle.

The argument I heard the other day is something along the lines of how Dirk stuck with his team and now it’s paying off vs. the “Lebron easy way out super team move” and how Dirk did the right thing.  Except… the Dallas Mavericks haven’t won a title yet.

LeBron took a bad team to the Finals, he just lost. Love him or hate him, he was the Cavs and singlehandedly took them to the end. And now, he seemingly takes over games whenever he wants to and can’t be stopped. As my son said yesterday, his defense is almost as awesome as his offense.  He’s also right now bringing it in the clutch against the best defensive team in the NBA  and shutting down the Bulls’ most effective player in the fourth quarter. In other words, ladies and gentleman, I think LeBron James is starting to blossom now and it ain’t pretty for the rest of the league.

To me, it seems he’s starting to get the feel for when it’s LeBron time and when it’s not. He seems to be learning how to run this team and while, as a team, they are not as well-oiled as Dallas, his enormous talent and play-making on both ends of the court is not something for which you can prepare.

Of course, Miami hasn’t moved past the Bulls, but I like to state my predictions as facts and then when it doesn’t happen the way I said it, I’ll never mention it again.

Now that we understand one another, I’m going to say that it will be the Heat and the Mavs in the 2011 NBA Finals. And then we’re going to hear about the whole “LeBron vs. Dirk vs. staying vs. leaving” discussion for at least 4 games. I’ll want to punch everyone for not shutting up about it, but most of them will be far too large and I’ll just have to sit on my hands. Unless Marv Albert says something. I think I could take Marv even though he’s a biter.

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I couldn’t do it by myself against that team. I apologize for the way it happened, but I knew this opportunity was once in a lifetime.

LeBron was light on the specifics. I venture what LeBron meant to say was he was sorry it wasn’t easy. He’s sorry that he had to work for it. That he needed to get better at mid-range jumpers. That his defense had to improve. That he had to pass to guys who could potentially miss. He’s sorry that he never tried to bring anyone to the team. That he refused to commit to the franchise for more than a
few years at time thereby putting them in perpetual “win now” mode and crippling any chance at long-term stability. He’s sorry the
team gave him everything he ever asked for and, in retrospect, coddled him far too much. He’s sorry he’s immature. He’s only
25 after all.

Most of all, he’s sorry the world wants him to earn it. His birthright may have been an incredible ability to play basketball, but a ring is promised to no man. I think LeBron half-expected David Stern to hand him the Larry O’Brien trophy on draft night. “Oh, need to play some games first?” He’s sorry that even such massive talent, such blinding speed and awesome raw power couldn’t show up, throw down a few dunks and walk away with a championship every year.

Ken Levine / Getty Images

There’s an iconic photo of Michael Jordan hugging his first championship trophy, openly weeping, indubitably reflecting on all the hard work he’d done over his then 7-year career and the preceding decades. He probably thought about the back-breaking work of building a team from nothing to the ultimate winner. The countless hours spent toiling through the playoffs with less than ideal teammates. In the end, there was no doubt he alone was the consummate champion – a singular winner.

So, LeBron is sorry. Well, I’m sorry too. I’m sorry that should LeBron shed his own tears in the coming weeks they won’t mean quite the same thing.

But is it inevitable? Oh man. Everyone seems to think so, and it all ties back to the astonishing inequities between the teams, owners and everyone in between. This, for the record, is why my husband thinks there should be a fan union of sorts, because while all this drama happens, who gets screwed? The fans, natch. The very people who pay everyone’s salaries and make this whole effing thing possible.

The hot mess that is the Hornets (and their recent trade) is illustrative of why this is a disaster. Teams are receiving payouts, the NBA-owned (and bailed-out) Hornets are increasing their payroll and it goes without saying that Mark Cuban is pissed, because that’s what he does. Plus, there’s speculation that the NBA only invested in the Hornets so they’d have leverage in the upcoming labor negotiations.

It’s so ugly. The whole thing gives me a headache.

Add the other recent weirdness with Carmelo Anthony getting traded to the Knicks — Carmelo, incidentally got totally screwed by The Decision, but what did he expect? That’s what you get when you’re a second-fiddle player, you screw up your old contract AND you’re negotiating in a LeBron James year, Carmelo. And I’m a Syracuse alum and a de facto fan of yours, but still. What do you want me to say?

The NBA is allegedly finally gaining back some fans, but the collective greed of the entire organization — from the owners, to the players, to the NBA itself — is making it as ugly as it can possibly get, and it’s only going to get worse. I know that’s a shocking statement. Greed! In professional sports!

And yet, as a fan … it sucks.

I blame you, buddy.

Jonna is more excited than ever that the Lakers look like crap.

12/2 – Cavs lose to some asshole: “OK. I’ve heard trying helps, but going with a different strategy. I’m with ya.”

12/17 – Cavs lose 10 straight to drop to 7-19: “Youch. But run off a 12-game win streak, we’re right back in it.”

12/18 – Cavs beat Knicks: “That 8th win is always the toughest. Especially when it takes like 3 months to get it.”

Losing makes Christian Eyenga sleepy.

1/11 – Cavs lose to Lakers by an order of magnitude: “There is not enough beer in creation to endure this.”

12/20/10 through 02/09/11 – Cavs end up constructing Generals-esque losing streak dropping 26! in a row: “Fuck a duck.”

If you’re mathing at home, the Cavs went 1 and 36 over a 37-game span.

2/11 – Through sheer willpower and consumption of potato moonshine I lead the Cavs to their 9th victory when they beat the Clippers last Friday: “One day I will tell my grandchildren about the crappiest team I was ever a fan of winning that game that one time that I was at.”

2/16 – After laying an egg against the Wizards 3 nights before, Cavs inexplicably beat the Lakers: “I am going to stay up past 2 am writing a post about these magnificent bastards getting 10 wins in 56 games.”

Hey sometimes it takes you three games to win two and sometimes it takes 38. And it sounds like someone is feeling a little jealous.

Go Cavs!

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They have James, Bosh and Wade. But that’s ALL they have. And though I am a fan of seeing them lose — of course I am — what bothers me is that it’s yet another display of astonishing arrogance from LeBron James, et al., who think that they are big enough to carry an entire team. Yes, players like Kobe Bryant, Kevin Garnett, Jason Kidd (in his prime, anyway) can do enough to change the course of a game, but a lot of that is in the way they manage the rest of their team and lead by example. They know you can’t win a championship on the shoulders of one, two or even three players alone.

Miami doesn’t seem to really get that. The Heat has nothing in terms of a bench. They have a CRAPPY bench. Compare it, as Wallace did here, to the C’s: Perkins, Rondo ( a star in his own right), Davis. The Celtics bench outscored the Heat, 52-20. That’s pretty significant.

Of course LeBron thought he’d be enough. Of course he did. As did Bosh and Wade, in a way, although I hold them less culpable, probably because I find them less obnoxious than LeBron. It’s probably a little personal, I’ll admit it. BUT STILL.

LeBron said, in his riff of the famous Charles Barkley Nike commercial, “I am not a role model.”

No. No you aren’t.

Jonna really dislikes LeBron, and doesn’t care who knows it.

Ok, I kid.  Well, not really.  We did have a game last night and we did lose but so did our (growly announcer voice)CLEVELAND CAVALIERS!( /growly announcer voice)  For the first time, the Cavs were facing longtime “savior” and now prodigal son, so-and-so.

Now, since I was playing hockey I didn’t see the whole game, but I did catch the beginning.  And evidently I stopped watching at exactly the right time.  When I stopped watching, the Cavs were winning, that mindless twit was playing passively and Drew Carey was looking skinny and kind of creepy actually.  After that, festering puss bucket played really well.  I would have expected as much, but I hoped maybe he’d be injured somehow and unable to perform.  Did he take any shots left-handed?  No?  Did he complain that Heat fans took him for granted?  No?  Did he note the irony that “Heat fan” is oxymoronic?  No!  Tell me that he at least looked syphilitic?  Yes?!  Please tell me yes!  This is all I need out of life.

Turns out that that insolent cad is pretty good at basketball.  We all knew and that was never the point.  In the seven years I watched him play, I probably only saw him play a handful of truly bad games.  I expected that he’d play well.  And he did.  I didn’t have to see the game to know the ease with which he dominated is the perfect indictment against his performance against the Celtics in last year’s playoffs.  I know back then he was concentrating on faking an elbow injury, but he’s a gifted charlatan and even when distracted he can put 25-5-5 on you.

Oh well.  I wanted to be mad, but I’m haven’t been able to sustain the anger all these months.  Once you realize somebody quit on you, there’s no sense in being upset.  There’s no running down the street after them or standing outside their house, boom box raised overhead.  Maybe I’m wistful for the old timey 2008 team, but overall, it’s meh.  Not to say it didn’t sting, seeing him in an opponent’s uniform.  Yesterday it was like your ex-wife showing up at your house in her shiny new Ferrari with her handsome (basketball skills-wise) new boyfriend (Dwyade) and their lovable pet t-rex (Chirs Bosh).

So it goes in Cleveland .  All we can hope for now is an angry Dan Gilbert response letter.

Since LeBron’s arrival at Miami, they’re not any better (at least not yet). They’ve shown flashes of greatness, but they lose to good teams. It’s obvious they haven’t yet figured out how to play together and it remains in question whether or not they will. I guess the difference is, LeBron left a system designed around LeBron, now he’s expected to fit into an offense that’s not built around him.  And let’s face it, when it was designed around him, he took a mediocre team to the NBA Finals.

When you take a guy like LeBron (and there’s only ever been one of him), you kind of have to make everyone else make the adjustments. He’s not going to “fit in” to a system. The system needs to be built to suit him, because that’s the way you will likely win a championship. Unless…

LeBron lacks the ice in his veins to pull it off.

Ironically, the pressure on him to win a championship is now greater than it ever was in Cleveland.  Now every NBA fan scrutinizes Miami as they hobble along with a 50-50 record.  And is that fair? Maybe it is if you hail yourself as “The King” and hold a press conference announcing your plan to bestow your “talent on the people of Miami.”

We received an e-mail from a psychiatrist asking us if we’d like any professional psychological insight on LeBron’s mindset as he returns to Cleveland. I don’t think we have time to do a Q&A with the good doctor, but maybe she’ll swing by for a discussion, as I do have a couple of questions:

Do you think LeBron had dreams last night about floating over a pool of angry, flaming alligators and then all of the sudden, Cameron Diaz appears out of nowhere wearing only an apron and she’s riding… some kind of a pegasus/unigoat and swinging a cat around by its tail? And then, the alligators turn into some kind of boiling goo and LeBron finds himself hanging over it from a high-wire or something, and this little green monkey keeps biting LeBron’s knuckles and despite his pleas, the damn thing won’t stop humming Copa Cabana?  And Connie Chung is where the sun should be? And I’m naked? I mean… him?  If he had that dream last night, what do you think that means?

When LeBron pees, it burns a little. What should he be thinking?

When LeBron was a child, he saw his parents having sex and it torments him to this day. Is there any way he can undo that memory?

LeBron hates circus music. He used to cry every time he heard it. While he doesn’t still cry, it continues to be very unsettling. Why?

We’ll start there and see where the discussion leads. I’d appreciate any insight you could offer. I’m sure our readers are very interested to know what’s going on in m… LeBron’s head.

I’m not a psychologist, but if I had to theorize, I’d say LeBron is scared shitless.  I’m not sure a town has ever hated an athlete so much. Actually, I am sure no town has ever hated an athlete so much. And I get it. I do. However, people of Cleveland, CALM THE FUCK DOWN. The guy dribbles a ball for a living, and any willingness to incite fan violence based on the result of any sport is STUPID. Let’s not forget, your adulation and ass-kissing made him such a douche container.

Yes, he handled his departure poorly.  I don’t agree with how he left, but he did it. I think it was a bad decision for him personally. I think he’s arrogant, self-important and has taken full advantage of his kingly status, all the way to his holding an NBA State of the Union Address on ESPN. I think it says a lot about the type of person he is, and frankly, it’s not worthy of a champion.

Here’s how I now look at this: Yes, LeBron is probably the most talented player in NBA history. However, talent is only one part of the equation.  There are many things that make a champion and talent is only one of them. Every other quality true champions exhibit, LeBron doesn’t seem to have.  Does that mean he doesn’t? No. It just means he hasn’t yet displayed these qualitites.  If anything, he acts like a big baby.

So, Cleveland, as much as you hate LeBron for leaving you, try to accept that it just might be the best possible thing that ever could have happened to your team.  You might have never won a championship with LeBron at the helm, but instead continued to fall short for years like the Pacers and the Jazz (among others).  I’m just saying that because he got you close does not mean he was going to get you all of the way. There’s a huge difference between being close and being there.

So, hurl your nastiness, rattle him with your words (because they do rattle him), and have a good time at his expense. He can expect nothing less.  Just remember that, in the end, this is a game. Remember that the whole reason you’re there is because you love to watch the game being played, and in this case, a game that might be fantastic. Epic, perhaps. And isn’t that what we really want to see?  (That and Cleveland winning, I mean?)

If Cleveland defeats Miami tonight, it will be one of the greater moments in Cleveland sports history, and without a doubt, the biggest regular season game in their history. The stage is set for NBA greatness tonight, and it’s all because LeBron left.  And now that you know what kind of guy he seems to be, aren’t you kind of glad that he’s gone? I would be.

Good luck, Cavs. I will be watching and rooting for you tonight, but most of all, I’ll be rooting for a great basketball game.

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Brett Favre has a unique ability to annoy the shit out of people who don’t even care.  He has to be the most needy “man of a certain age” in professional football.  I just hope when he sent around those pictures of Brett Bretterson that he was

Brett Bretterson in happier times.

wearing his Wranglers.  You don’t want to sexually harass AND piss off your jean company.

• Congratulations to the New York Yankees on losing in the ALCS!  Nothing is more pleasing to like 95 percent of all baseball fans than when you fail miserably.  Now go console yourselves with your millions and millions of dollars.
• NBA season is upon us.  I still don’t think I’m emotionally ready to see LeBron clang 3-pointers off the rim all day in a Miami Heat uniform whilst fellating Dwyane Wade.

• In other news, I am soon to play co-ed touch football.  Our opponents are undefeated.  So, yah, let’s all go out there and have some fun!