All posts tagged fines

David Stern is the NCAA of professional sports fining. Say or do anything and you are likely in violation of some rule and subject to his sanction. But unlike the NCAA, David Stern’s whimsies are not published anywhere that I know of. He just kind of goes from day to day and levies fines when he needs a new pair of cuff links or some other rich guy accessory.

So it goes for my hero, Dan Gilbert. David Stern just dropped a 100K bomb on Danny boy for his Comic Sans diatribe criticizing LeBron James and his “THE DECISION.” Reading his comments, it’s not exactly clear what his violation was, other than going a little batshit insaney. Presumably this is well within his rights as a citizen, but under the thumb of ol’ Dave and the NBA, it is not so. You might say the slaver has become the slavee . . . ? But if you did, you wouldn’t be making much sense.

Best I can tell, Gilbert’s comments were a little too much? I’m not sure. See if you can figure it out:

I think that remarks by Dan Gilbert, the owner of the Cavaliers, catalyzed as they may have been by hurt with respect to the manner and the fact for himself, his team, and particularly for the people of Cleveland, though understandable, were ill-advised and imprudent. I have notified Cleveland that they will be fined $100,000 for those remarks under my power as Commissioner.

100G for being ill-advised and imprudent? Damn. I’d hate to be David Stern Jr. dropping that first, accidental f-bomb in front of mom and dad.

Fine. Dan Gilbert gets fined. But does LeBron get fined for being a doucher? No, he does not. Despite the fact LeBron’s spectacle was “ill-conceived, badly produced and poorly executed.” He gets off with some soft-pedaled criticism that he’s likely never to hear about. Why nothing for LeBron? Stern loved every minute of it. He says that LeBron should have informed the Cavs of his decision before announcing, thereby allowing Cleveland to pursue free agents who signed before the announcement. But, don’t believe it for a minute. The greater the number of teams presumably involved in the BronStakes means the greater the ratings, means the greater the exposure for the NBA. And make no mistake the market share in northeast Ohio was huge. (Personally, I did not watch as I was involved in an intense over-30 co-ed indoor soccer game. We (Go Bolts!) got the 6-2 win; thanks for asking.)

To wit:

In Cleveland, “The Decision” drew a staggering 26 rating — meaning more than one in four homes had TVs tuned to ESPN to see James say he was leaving his hometown Cavaliers for the Miami Heat.

In Miami, the show had a 12.8 rating.

Why only less than half of the love in Miami as Cleveland? Miamiahams were all busy smuggling drugs into the country. Oh, I kid. Actually, they were all on the beach having sex with multiple supermodels and increasing their likelihood of contracting skin cancer and gonorrhea – simultaneously. It can’t be ALL fun and sex on the beach, you know. While here in Cleveland besides watch that train wreck all we would have had to do was shovel snow. Why not take a break to enjoy some hot cocoa and superstar back-stabbing? We were accused of overreacting after the announcement, but we only burn his jerseys to keep warm.

Fortunately for Cavs fans, this fine shouldn’t hurt the franchise too much. I mean, bottom line, we are fucked. 100 large here or there isn’t going to make much of a difference.

So David Stern, I fine you $78.52 for being so arbitrary and enigmatic. I am not greedy, but I am in need of a new Mo Williams jersey.

[photo: Tony Dejack]

[photo: Clark]