All posts tagged Cincinnati Bengals

Randy Moss Wants to “Unretire”

By | February 14, 2012 | Athletes on Twitter, Crazy People, Football, NFL, Serial Retirers | Comments Off
randy-moss

Being an NFL player must be the greatest job in the world. I mean, that’s how it seems to me. Why else would players subject themselves to severe physical injury in their 20s and early to mid 30s, retire, and then want to come back? Is it the camaraderie with teammates, the thrill of defeating the competition, the satisfaction of breaking records, the monetary compensation?

It’s probably the money.

Of course, I would say this, as I am not an NFL athlete. Still, it’s the only reason I can come up with for Randy Moss’s announcement, via a live Ustream chat, that he wants to play again in 2012. Moss, who turned 35 on February 13, said in the video, “I wanna play football. Your boy is going to come back here and play some football, so I’m really excited. I had some things I had to adjust in my life.”

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I Am Starting to Think Carson Palmer is Unhappy With His Employment Situation

By | March 2, 2011 | Bad calls, Football, NFL | Comments Off

He’s got $80 million dollars in the bank and he says he will never step foot in Paul Brown Stadium again.

Well good for Carson Palmer.

Unless he gets another quarterback gig and his new team has a road game against Cincinnati.

You know what? I don’t really blame him for not wanting to play in Cincinnati anymore. The fans have been pretty cruel to him, playing in a division with the Steelers and Ravens make it tough to have realistic playoff dreams and the weather in southern Ohio blows.

That said, Bengals management says they don’t want to trade him because he is crucial to their plans.

(We will discuss my lack of faith in the owner of the Cincinnati Bengals and his plans at another time.)

Palmer is threatening to retire if he isn’t traded.

Not to be all pie in the sky, but isn’t this ideal? Palmer retires, Cincinnati has a shitload of salary cap space, and Carson and his $80 million can either buy a damn island or a used car dealership back home in southern California.

But really, the guy is over 30. In NFL years that qualifies you for the early bird discount at Denny’s and he has been stinking up my fantasy football teams for years. It is probably just his time.

Plus seriously, $80 million in the bank?

$80 MILLION?

What is he waiting for? Maybe he is just looking for the right words to tell Mike Brown to do something along these lines.

[Photo: newscom]

The Kansas City Chiefs Win The AFC West

By | December 31, 2010 | Football, NFL, playoffs | Comments Off

Yes, I know I am about five days late on this. But I am the only writer on the Draft Day Suit staff that gives a shit about Kansas City sports, so you will listen when I have the microphone dammit!

Ahem.

Anyway, thanks to my fine friends in Cincinnati (specifically Carson Palmer for ripping San Diego’s defense a new asshole), my beloved Chiefs have locked down the AFC West division title. And man, does it feel good! Not only have we made the playoffs for the first time since the 2006 season, but we actually get to host a playoff game at the new Arrowhead Stadium. Double bonus!

When this season began, I wouldn’t have even dreamed that we would be playoff bound let alone division champs. Hell, I was shooting for an 8-8 record and just a bit of progress in the playoff direction. To say I am surprised and thrilled would be an understatement. But with all this excitement comes a tad bit of worry. And what worries me the most? Indianapolis is still in the playoff picture.

If you aren’t familiar with Chiefs’ most recent playoff history, lemme pull you up to speed. Three of the last four playoff games the Chiefs found themselves in just happened to be against the Indianapolis Colts. How many of the three did the Chiefs win, you ask? ZERO. It’s basically the same old story each time. The Chiefs show up, Peyton Manning confuses them with shiny things, and we lose. Period. Point. Blank.

So, with the Colts needing a win this weekend, all I can do is one thing and one thing only. Well, actually two things. First? Drink beer. That always helps any situation. Second? Cheer on the Tennessee Titans, of course. So, here’s to you, Tennessee. Please, please do me a solid and kick some Colt ass this weekend. The entire Kansas City area will forever be your friend.

Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make T.O. a Match

By | October 18, 2010 | Football, Owenchocinco | 3 Comments

Terrell Owens wants a girl just like the girl who…is Kim Kardashian. To that end, word on the street is that T.O. is spending some of his hard-earned football money on a matchmaking service that will rustle him up a Kim K. look-a-like.

Here is the real deal with a football player who isn’t Terrell Owens. (Sorry, T.O. Hi, Reggie!)

kim-kardashian-reggie-bush

T.O. has hired Kelleher International, a matchmaking firm run by mother and daughter Jill and Amber Kelleher. The firm has 18 international offices and T.O. will pay a pretty penny for his Kardashian-style dream girl, anywhere from $15,000 to $150,000.

I can only assume one thing from this, given Kim’s penchant for football guys — she blew him off or turned him down. Or she’s just busy with Miles Austin.

61034195

Which, hey, okay. Understandable.

That leaves T.O. with his boy Chad,

Terrell-Owens-Chad-OCHO

and me with one final question: can’t Ochocinco and his interactive lady bracket help him for cheaper? Because if not, the Ultimate Catch is fired.

ochocinco-bracket

Source

Laurie writes at LaurieWrites.

Sports News Roundup: the Morons Edition

By | October 10, 2010 | Football, injuries, NFL, Soccer | 2 Comments

Between Brett Favre’s penis and the Yankees party planning, there hasn’t been a lot of smart in sports this week, unless you count the Pirates’ firing of manager John Russell, which was brilliant. Late, but brilliant. Anyway.

The week began with this tweet from NBC Sports.NBC Sports announces Moss tradeNo joke. They didn’t even delete it later.

We also heard about a Jacksonville man who ended up in serious condition with a compound arm fracture due to a missed high five while leaving the Jaguars game last Sunday. It has since been determined he was trying to leap from a gridlocked stairway to a moving escalator. As of Wednesday, he was still in the hospital.

Taking the cake in the moron department has to be news that the Ravens ejected a lesbian couple from their stadium during the Sept. 26 game against the Cleveland Browns. Security claims they were ejected for lifting a plastic cup from a concession stand that they took to use for ketchup, and not kissing, as the couple claims. Either way, it’s just plain stupid.

RAVENS-eject-lesbian-couple

Who is more off-base, Terrell Owen or the NFL and their Twitter policy? T.O. tweeted inside the 9o-minute pre-game window with the critical information that a fan wearing his jersey at today’s Bengals-Tampa Bay contest would win a signed football from him and buddy Chad OchoCinco. OchoCinco has been Twitter-law abiding since a $25,000 fine in August, and kept today’s tweets about his pet pigeon (seriously?) and the dreadful state of the world to well before kickoff. No news yet about a fine for T.O., but an NFL spokesperson says they’re looking into this possible careless breakage of an arguably rather stupid rule.

Lest you think there was no humor this week, I leave you with this video. Not smart, but also pretty silly. With thanks to Google’s translator:  Peter Niemeyer touched the breasts of referee Bibiana Steinhaus. Niemeyer, “They stood a little further away than thought, I wanted to give her a shoulder pat, but you have to entertain the crowd a little ….”

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