Draft Day Suit

I am very tired of talking about Michael Vick. He has been in the news for what feels like an eternity and it would be nice to move on.

But then the Eagles went and picked him as their team’s nominee for this year’s Ed Block Awards, named for the long-time head trainer for the Baltimore Colts who was also an advocate for abused children. Each NFL team designates a winner every year, who supposedly exemplifies sportsmanship and courage.

And when he got it he said that he deserved it because 95 percent of the people in the world have not had to endure the things he’s been through, seriously.

Vick was in Baltimore tonight receiving this award. A number of animal-rights activists showed up to protest. Security was supposedly heavy and the usual practice of guests meeting players and getting autographs was abandoned, which I think is actually one of the most unfortunate things about this.

Organizations like the Humane Society are saying nice things about Michael Vick now and he is working with them on dog fighting prevention activities. He says some words about himself like “humbled” but mostly my ears still hear a lot of self-congratulation, like while he was accepting this award, for instance:

I think I do exemplify what this award stands for. I think everybody has the right to their own opinion. But I feel like I’ve done everything that I said I would do, coming out and moving forward. My peers felt like I was doing the right thing, and that I display courage and sportsmanship and leadership. I value their opinion.

He feels he has done everything that he said he would do, in a year.

And whereas he may indeed be going around to community centers and schools talking to kids and trying to prevent young people from getting involved with dog-fighting and I can certainly think of worse things he could be doing with his time, he was essentially told to do it. It was a condition of his (highly-paid) employment.

And yet, I still can’t think about the things he did and was responsible for without wanting to cry. I will probably  never be able to. And if that makes me ridiculous I am ridiculous. I like to believe in redemption but I also believe in my intuition and what I hear when I listen to Vick talk is not true contrition. It is straight off of a script that is all about how awesome he is and let me tell you, I am not capable by any stretch of engaging in the behavior he signed off on and participated in, but I am capable of doing what I’m told to do within reason if it means I get paid and I stay out of trouble.

But it doesn’t mean I wanted to do it. It doesn’t mean my heart was in it. It certainly doesn’t mean it was courageous.

I suppose it could take courage to walk out onto a field or onto a stage at a press conference when millions of people know about some horrific things you did and are standing there judging you for it, but all things considered, Vick’s return to football was rather warm and fuzzy. And I wonder when picking up the pieces of your poor choices and being allowed to go back to your job as a professional athlete and celebrity on a national stage and doing some of the community service you were basically required to do to save face – and your job – became courageous.

Courage is a big word, or at least, to me, it means big things. And when it comes to this supposedly redeemed Michael Vick I don’t know if it’s that I haven’t looked at the object in the mirror long enough for it to get clear enough or if it’s still too far away.

I don’t have to spend my time or energy hating this man, because that’s just not my thing. I can leave him to himself and the Philadelphia Eagles and the NFL to their choice to re-hire him. But I also don’t think I’m interested in congratulating him for much either, maybe ever, not when there are other people to congratulate who never killed dogs, and who maybe wouldn’t be so quick to acknowledge their own courage in the aftermath of this repulsive behavior.

And it’s really curious to me that so many people are so quickly interested in this kind of congratulating, that’s all.

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Ok, so I’m a little behind. On Thursday my wife and I brought home a brand new baby!

Our baby doesn’t play any sports right now, unless you consider peeing for distance a sport. I haven’t seen any sports all week other than the eight-dollar Cavaliers game I watched while we were in the hospital. (Yes, “non-basic” TV was eight dollars a day in the hospital room.) And I only kind of watched it whilst in the haze of new parenthood.

Oh, I did hear that Zydrunas Ilgauskas will rejoin the Cavs after having been traded last month at the deadline. “Z” was/is the longest-tenured Cavalier. And I never noticed it before but he kind of looks like a baby – a giant, Lithuanian baby. Amazing.

Please don’t mention that to my wife for at least another three months.

I haven’t read any news stories, seen any blogs or heard any sports talk radio. As a matter of fact, I haven’t really thought about sports at all, other than to contemplate which professional sport our sure-to-be super baby will pursue. And whether Brett Favre will retire! I can’t take the suspense! When will we know?

So, I fear I don’t have much to add to the conversation this week.  Hopefully once we’ve adjusted a little more to our new bundle of joy I will be able to sit down and, you know, watch a sporting event. Until then I’ll have to be content with long-distance peeing, infant division.

On Monday, a judge dismissed charges of simple assault and resisting arrest against Jeff Reed, kicker for the Pittsburgh Steelers.  The arrest occurred when Steelers tight end Matt Spaeth was peeing in the parking lot at Heinz field.

(I know. Same old story, right?  It seems like every time an NFL player gets in trouble, Matt Spaeth peeing is right in the center of it. I’m pretty sure that’s why Plaxico shot himself in the leg. Unofficially. It’s my own theory. I’ll let you know how it pans out.)

When officers went to cite Spaeth for whatever one is cited with for peeing publicly, officers say Reed took it upon himself to get involved and defend Spaeth.  I don’t hold this against Reed. I, too, fight for my and my friends’ rights to pee publicly. “FREEEEEEEDOOOOOM!” This isn’t England, King George.  This is ‘Merica.  We pee where we stand and we can’t stand no more or something.  It’s in the Constitution.  Look it up.  Jeff knows our rights. In fact, Jeff is probably even short for “Jefferson.”  (He totally should have used that in his defense. I should have been his lawyer.)

Reed was ordered back to his vehicle by officers, but being passionate in his cause to let the people govern their own urination and determined to defend his friend and teammate, Reed allegedly raised his fists at officers, likely in an attempt to scare them into submission when faced with the possibility of having to endure the thunderous blows from the ominous … kicker.  (I’ll bet they were super frightened.  It may have sounded like a giggle, but it was pure fear. Make no mistake about it.)

Reed declined to comment on the incident, but his attorney offered this:  “It hurts him that there are people out there that might think that he squared up and wanted to fight cops, or actually fought cops. That’s not Jeff Reed.”

I buy it. I mean, in all fairness, he’s a kicker. Let’s not blow this out of proportion. If anything, it was kind of cute like when your nephew puts on those big inflatable boxing gloves and punches you in the knee.  I almost want to pat him on the head and read him a story.

The dismissed charges were the most serious of the total four he faced, the judge deciding to postpone the decision on whether or not Reed will be held over for trial for public drunkenness and disorderly conduct.  Reed was ordered to perform 40 hours of community service, which if he serves, the judge will consider dropping the remaining charges.

Here's Jeff out on the town performing his patented double peace sign, otherwise known as the "I'm such a douche."

This is not the first time Reed has been involved in post-game, bathroom-related antics. The first incident also  being last year when he mercilessly attacked a convenience store bathroom paper towel dispenser a few weeks after the Super Bowl.  Reed was ordered to pay $543 restitution, in addition to attending bathroom related anger management courses and sensitivity training.  (I made that last part up.  Except for having to pay the $543 for attacking a paper towel machine. That’s 100% true.  You’re right to fear them.)

I think the moral of this story is clear:   This is simply another case of a spoiled athlete thinking he can get away with anything because of what he can do with a ball.  Even though he’s just a kicker.  Will someone tell him that rule doesn’t apply to him? Sheez.  And the other thing we learn, perhaps the most important thing: paper towels are out to get to you.  Both lessons are important, but one will save your life.  Good luck.

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I recently wrote about my dissatisfaction with NBC’s coverage of the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver. I really and truly thought that I had gotten it out of my system.

Oh, how wrong I was.

So here I sit on the last morning of the games wondering if we’ll get ANY COVERAGE AT ALL. You see, according to the KNBC website and the listings guide on cable, Olympic coverage came on at 9 am. Really? Because all I’ve seen is Access Hollywood (rerun) and Monk (also a rerun.) The hockey game-GOLD MEDAL GAME AGAINST CANADA is supposed to be on, as well as a few other events that are having their final rounds today.

This is absolutely unacceptable, NBC. You say that your ratings are high? Honestly, it can only be because we have NO other options for viewing. Have you polled anyone lately? And, quite honestly, I think I’m done with you as a network, local and national. This has been the final straw.

Here’s how I think national Olympic coverage should look from you, NBC (and CBS, ABC, and FOX should take notice, should there be a change in networks for the next games. Please?!)

Morning show- Fine. Cute stories about athletes, whatever. Depending on the time zone of the actual games, I get this. (The morning crew has actually done a great job of interviewing the athletes.)

Just after the morning show: LIVE COVERAGE

Noon: 30 minutes of local news.

Afternoon: LIVE COVERAGE

5 or 6 pm: 30 minutes of local news, 30 minutes of national news.

Evening: LIVE COVERAGE

10 pm: 30 minutes of local news

THE END.

Seriously, it’s only two weeks out of every two years. There is nothing that can’t be put on hiatus for those two weeks. With everyone having digital television now, if a network or local affiliate feels the need to air their regular programming they can now create a digital 2.0 channel for those programs and leave the regular channel for people to find the coverage of the Olympics easily. If you really need your dose of pop culture and celebrity news there are plenty of other networks and online outlets for that.

Here on the west coast we have had to wait until 11-12 pm to watch the medal rounds and races. Why is this if we’re watching it taped? If we tape it to watch later, the morning shows ruin the results. Watching is just not the same if you already know the outcome.

As for the actual coverage? It, too, has been horrendous. Someone actually made a chart of the time that was dedicated to each category: advertising, special stories, Bob Costas, medal ceremonies, etc. Costas is getting more coverage than replays and medal ceremonies COMBINED. The Olympics are not about you, Bob, they’re about the athletes, their competition, their competitors, and their medals. Last night he actually said “If you’re in the central or mountain time zone you can figure it out for yourself,” which I found pretty lame. I tweeted “Bob Costas is a douche,” and I received the following reply from Glennia: @HeadlessMom Amen to that. A botoxed, toupee-wearing douche at that. #shutupcostas.

Really Bob? As the announcer it’s your JOB to be able to tell the viewers when their national coverage begins and we only have four time zones. I guess we’d really be in trouble if we had something like 11 like Russia does.

Thank goodness today is the last day. I honestly don’t think I could take much more. Here’s to a new network getting the rights for the next Olympic games. One that will commit to getting it right.

(Cross posted at The Adventures of the Headless Family and Inland Empire Family)