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Sports News Roundup: Same Stupidity, Different Week Edition

By | October 18, 2010 | Baseball, Basketball, Football, Golf, NFL, Payoffs, playoffs, Tennis | Comments Off

Another week, another round of “You’re an idiot, <insert name of professional athlete here>!” It shouldn’t surprise me anymore, and the ease of finding material is astounding, but jeez Louise, people. These gentlemen (ahem) get paid loads of money and are, in the eyes of some, heroes. But man, are they stupid sometimes..

Duking it out in the boneheaded-retireee category:

Warren Sapp? He was pulled over by a cop in a minivan, but yesterday he had moved on to other more pressing concerns.

Picture 3

Lenny Dykstra? He’s pretending to be a lawyer and demanding his creditors return the private jet they reposessed. He’d like them to give him $800,000 too. He’s also a cutie, right?

lenny-dykstra

John Elway? Ponzi scheme, anyone?

I guess Auto Nation wasn’t the bonanza he was looking for.

elway-auto-nation

Liar? Faker? Crybaby?

That would be Gilbert Arenas. Yawn.

Illegal betting?

Check. Tiger didn’t have enough trouble in his life, and no comment from Federer.

Ouch

Pinkies are apparently overrated — or at least they are if you’re Hokie left guard Greg Nosal and want to finish the damn game. I’m a mom. I’ve said, “Don’t interrupt me unless there’s blood.” But this? Ridonculous.

And he plays fantasy baseball too.

greg-nosal-vt

Big Hair

Elvis has not left the building, or had a haircut since March. Somebody tell him he’s not a hockey player and playoff beards do not belong on top of your head.

elvis-andrus

[Photo: In.com]
[Photo: Dailypress.com]
[Photo: US Presswire]

I’m Your (Pantsless) Venus

By | September 7, 2010 | Athletes on Twitter, Celebrity Athletes, Legends, Talking Trash, Tennis, Women's Sports, WTF? | 2 Comments

Venus Williams wore her underwear to work again today.

Look ma, no pants!

Look ma, no pants!

Ho hum. Over it.

“Whoa, look! Did you see Venus’s teeny tiny outfit again? The black undies with the fireworks shirt? Shocking, right?”

“Did she win?”

“No idea. But did you see what she was WEARING?”

Whatever. I get it. Girl is smoking hot. I wish I looked that good, like every minute of every day I wish I looked that good. I also kind of wish I could even play a passable game of tennis without feeling like I was going to keel over and die and hit a ball without it knocking me in the eye, much less be one of the top-ranked players in the world.

Take that, John McEnroe, with your “ladies shouldn’t play as many matches as men, women are weaker, blahblahblah.” Venus Williams and women who are even half as good at tennis as she is are outstanding. I bow to them.

Also it’s still hot in New York, yes. And Venus is a fashion designer who is into the clothes. But I honestly have to wonder if these teensy beensy clothes are necessary? What’s next? She comes out naked with a racket? All “Whoo! Look at me! I’m a naked tennis player!” That would really shock me, I admit. I’d kind of like to see her try it. I guess she could still try to set the bar lower with fabric — or in this case higher and higher up her ass — but where does it end? You only have so much body and so little material to work with.

Anyway. Venus kicked barely-clothed ass on the court again today, advancing to the U.S. Open semifinal, in spite of the need to yank at her underwear pants for the duration of the match.

And that is the story I really want to tell you, that she advanced to the semifinal again in a Grand Slam tournament. But instead? Pants, or lack thereof, that’s what’s burning up the tubes. (Yes, including this one. I get it.) But that still irks me. Venus is one of the most talented and celebrated female athletes in history. While I think it’s a foolish myth that athletes equal role models, I do think that there could be some focus on the sport over the show. You can’t tell me she doesn’t know that when she comes out minimally-clothed on her bottom half, that that is going to be the buzz.

And honestly I guess that’s her prerogative. She has the history and the celebrity at this point to do whatever she wants, and no matter what she wears she’s still going to play kickass tennis until she doesn’t anymore. I just wish, even though I’m not exactly sure why I care, that she would put some pants on while she’s doing it.

Capriati Recovering, I May Not

By | June 29, 2010 | Celebrity Athletes, Crazy People, Dain Bramage, Sports Psych, Talking Trash, Tennis, Unsportmanlike Conduct, Women's Sports, WTF? | 1 Comment

Jennifer Capriati is recovering from an overdose of prescription drugs. Reportedly, it was accidental.

http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/MMPH/253228~Jennifer-Capriati-Posters.jpg

Capriati is known for her tennis career that began in 1988 with her holding the record for the youngest French Open Junior winner at 13 years, 2 months. Yet, she’s also known for her repeated brushes with the law, including arrests for shoplifting and marijuana possession beginning in 1993. She has been quoted by the New York Daily News as saying “If I don’t have [tennis] who am I? What am I?”

And in researching other articles for this story, I accidentally came across the supposed reason for her accidental overdose: her maybe-ex-boyfriend Dale DaBone (yes, you heard me right) is going back to porn.

Seriously? Who says “I’m so overwrought that DaBone is going to (da) bone several someones on film that I think I’ll take a handful of this crap.”?

Accidentally or on purpose? You decide, because I may never recover from the knowledge that there is actually a movie being made with the title “Batman XXX: A Porn Parody”

Kendra was shocked at the twists of this story. Kinda. But not really.

Photo Source Source

Wimbledon? Or Is It A Marathon?

By | June 23, 2010 | Tennis | Comments Off

As I type this, a first round match at Wimbledon between Nicolas Mahut of France and John Isner of the United States  just hit the nine and a half hours mark, tied at 54 games all in the fifth set. The match began yesterday but was postponed due to darkness after 4 sets. Isner leads in winners, 318 to 299. For comparison, Andy Roddick won his last match with 82 winners.

Match stats do not include how many bathroom breaks have been taken.

John Isner in less exhausted times.

John Isner in less exhausted times.

The New York Times is live-blogging the match at the aptly named Straight Sets blog and the Guardian has it blogged on local time.

[Update:  Play was suspended on day two with the 5th set score tied at 59 games all. The match will resume not before 15:30 local time tomorrow.]

[Photo]

ClumberKim enjoyed a successful high school tennis career, thanks entirely to a doubles partner with a killer serve.

Venus Williams Shocks French Open With Racy Tennis Dress

By | May 26, 2010 | Celebrity Athletes, Crazy People, Talking Trash, Tennis, Unsportmanlike Conduct, Women's Sports, WTF? | 3 Comments

When I saw the pictures this morning the mother in me screamed “VENUS EBONY STARR WILLIAMS! WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU WEARING!” I am a pretty liberal person. It is not easy to offend me by talking about sex or using coarse language, but I admit I cannot believe that Venus Williams wore this outfit outside of her house.

She looks like a hooker.

Venus Williams French Open Tennis 2010

I really can’t believe that she wore this outfit to play in the French Open. Outside. Where people were looking at her.

Seriously, what the hell am I looking at?

Venus Williams French Open 2010

If that little black lacy number isn’t supposed to be lingerie, I don’t know what one would consider unmentionable.

Many were referring to her tennis dress as lingerie and we can see why.  Venus wore nude nylon booty shorts underneath her “costume” —- the same kind that caused so much controversy at the Australian Open.

- Bitten and Bound

And no kidding. At one point I was entirely convinced I was looking at Venus Williams’ bare ass, and while I find Venus to be an attractive woman, this is neither the time nor the place for partial nudity.

News everyone! She designed it herself.

Whistles and whispers circulated through the stands, a reaction brought about not by Venus Williams’ play, but by the outfit Williams designed herself. The fashionista, who has her own apparel line called EleVen , told the press it was all “about illusion”  which, she noted is “a lot of my motif this year” when it comes to clothes design.

As Williams ran and jumped her way around the court, the tennis dress —- designed to give the illusion of being see-through —- was prone to several revealing moments. The black overlay material made the dress appear as if it was see through, even though it was not. To add to the raciness, she also sported skin-colored underwear, which was visible to fans and photogs and gave the illusion that she wasn’t wearing any undergarments at all.

- Pretty Tough

I don’t mean to be a bitch, but maybe she should either stick to playing tennis or designing intimates, because outerwear that is not.

Of course Venus won the match. Venus almost always wins the match. She is an extraordinary tennis player. I just wish she would show some respect for the game. I think I am actually offended as a tennis fan.

I am sure that there are people out there who think that her little outfit was great but when I did a google search for May 24th with the words: Venus, Williams, French, Open and Outfit and the exact phrase “I liked it,” there were zero matches. I guess you can interpret that however you want.

It seems to me that Venus Williams was playing two games at the French Open, and she only won one of them.

Originally Written for and Cross-Posted with minor changes on BlogHer.

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