All posts in Sportscasters

Would-Be Cavs Announcer Ted Williams Headed To Rehab

By | January 13, 2011 | Basketball, Sportscasters, Uncategorized | Comments Off

Ted Williams, the homeless man with the amazing radio voice, had a close encounter with Dr Phil this week. As it often does with Dr Phil, it ended in a trip to rehab.

The would-be NBA announcer was panhandling by the side of the road when a journalist decided to videotape him as he displayed his remarkable radio voice.  A YouTube post later, the video went wildly viral and the world changed for Williams, who has struggled with alcohol and drug addictions for decades but claimed he has been sober for 2 years. During that time he has also generated himself a hefty rap sheet.  He became an instant sensation, literally sleeping on the street one night and sleeping in a $too-much-a-night hotel the next. Offers for voiceover work poured  in, from NFL Films, Kraft, MSNBC. The Cleveland Cavaliers offered him an announcer job — and a house.

However, the story does not end on that fairytale note. On an episode of the Dr. Phil show airing today, Williams admits that he has been drinking daily since his whirlwind of fame began.

While this is disappointing, it is also not surprising in the least. Even for someone who has not struggled with the demons of addiction, the stresses of instant fame and the media scrutiny can be overpowering.  For someone who has had to fight them, the temptation to give in to those demons must be devastating. It’s doubtful Williams had any professional help to deal with his addictions previously, and on the street it must be nearly impossible to make any life changes.

But now, Williams is incredibly lucky. He has access to a top-notch rehab facility (Dr Phil. doesn’t cheap out) and the prospects of jobs and a bright future will still lie ahead of him, guaranteed.

That video may have quite literally saved his life.

Williams has demons to fight – his own. Amends to make – to many people he hurt during his years of addiction. And if he can get past those, he’ll also have plays to announce and mac and cheese to shill.  Let’s hope he makes it.

The Sounds of World Cup Soccer: Vuvuzela Watch Part One

By | June 13, 2010 | Soccer, Sportscasters, WTF? | 1 Comment

Confused by the World Cup buzz? I was.

I’m not talking about the incessant yapping of the media and everyone watching and even the people who claim not to be watching who seem obsessed with talking about the World Cup anyway. I’m talking vuvuzelas, baby.

Mind you I did not know what these horns were called until yesterday. I’ve watched exactly no soccer games in my life but I’ve been watching the World Cup since the opening ceremonies started because:

a. I am currently spending a lot of time on my couch working from home.

b. I appear to be on a quest to expose myself to every single sport, even those in which I previously had zero interest. This includes timbersports, which I just learned are a thing.

c. When you hashtag #worldcup on Twitter, a little soccer ball pops up in your Tweet. I am easily amused by this sort of thing, and will be lobbying for a little Twitter puck next year during hockey playoffs for sure.

On the first day, I enjoyed watching the South African team celebrate their goal against Mexico, the first goal of the whole shebang in what would end as a 1-1 tie game.

I am seriously considering adding that little dance to my just-because daily repertoire.

So things started off enjoyably, but after a few hours, the low, droning buzz in the stadium that seemed to get louder and louder as the games wore on started to get to me.

Bzzzzz. Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzbzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzbzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Long, relatively uneventful stretches of men kicking a ball around and bopping it with their heads. Bzzzzz. Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzbzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzbzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

OMG CICADAS SWARMING AROUND MY HOUSE OMG STFU GET THEM OFF ME.

Then everyone on Twitter started talking about the noise, and complaining about the noise, and how it was distracting and unnerving and why was it happening? So I knew I wasn’t alone, which is nice, because it’s sad to bitch alone and validation that I’m not hearing things is always useful too.

Vuvuzelas FTW! Glasses not necessarily included.

Vuvuzelas FTW! Glasses not necessarily included.

These vuvuzela horns — find me a more fun word to say, I challenge you — are a traditional part of South African soccer games. Culturally speaking, I think that’s pretty interesting. But their noise output averages about 127 decibels — louder than a chain saw, says this former audiology major — and that’s a lot to listen to for an hour and a half straight. FIFA considered banning them for the Cup but the South African football association were understandably not down.

Here’s Mike and Mike complaining about them.

A site called Ban the Vuvuzela is up already, with the “against” camp firmly in the lead. World Cup organizer Danny Jordaan caused a bit of a stir Sunday when the BBC reported that  he insinuated that the horns, which have been accused of distracting players, the audience and newscasters, may be banned. But reports quickly surfaced that that would only happen in the case of a vuvuzela being thrown on the soccer pitch or used in any kind of way to harass players or the crowd.

Meanwhile vuvuzelas are selling in England — and probably in other places, I just haven’t seen the reports — at a fast clip, and I would like one, too. I’m not going to make noise on it for 90 minutes or annoy anyone on purpose, but I just figure something called a vuvuzela would be a fun thing to have.

This World Cup business will be going on for a month so I’ll keep an eye on this critical issue. You’ve got your #vuvuzelawatch right here.

Source

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DC United vs Kansas City Wizards vs Random Guy Cursing

By | May 6, 2010 | Soccer, Sportscasters | Comments Off

Our  family watched the soccer match between DC United and the Kansas City Wizards on ESPN 2.

The conversation in our living room went like this:

Husband: Did someone just say “What the fuck?”

Me: I didn’t.

9 Year Old Son: Dad just did.

NFL Draft!

By | April 24, 2010 | Drafts, Football, Sportscasters, Talking Trash | Comments Off

I find the NFL draft both fascinating and completely boring at the same time. On one hand it has a direct effect on how your team (Pittsburgh Steelers) will perform during the season, but on the other hand the amount of draft day talk far exceeds the amount of applicable knowledge.

So, in order to make things more interesting and to pass the time, here is my list of draft suggestions:

  • First, we need to change our site name to Draft Days Suit. Last I heard, Colt McCoy had been in the draft waiting area for 3 WEEKS!
  • Speaking of, aren’t they taking things a little too quickly these days?How about one team drafts per night in primetime?! Imagine all the juicy overnight draft activity!
    • With the first pick in my Saturday draft, I choose getting hammered!

    With the first pick in my Saturday draft, I choose getting hammered!

  • Call it the NFL Draught to give it that dignified, European feel.
  • Each player should give some kind of indication of his fantasy value during his post-draft interview. “I will disappoint Deion. I have all the physical tools and will flash moments of brilliance, but most folks are going to pick me too high and then hate on me all year.”
  • Can the Steelers select a sense of decency for Ben? You know, being a Steelers fan in Cleveland is not easy and the way people act it’s as if I am the one walking around with my man bits hanging out of my pants. Such a strange way to seduce someone. “I’m just going to take my pants off and who’s to say what will happen with Little Ben. My hands are washed. He could find his way anywhere.”
  • I do enjoy Mel Kiper’s increasing anger as his best available guys remain available. Do not taunt Mel’s hair! I have to hand it to the guy for carving a career out of a job which carries absolutely zero accountability. I guess that’s all of sports commentary, but it somehow seems worse with draft “experts.”
    • Mel: "Jimmy Clausen is NFL ready!"

    Mel: "Jimmy Clausen is NFL ready!"

  • The “call the player before we pick them” destroys any sense of drama that that pick may hold, especially in the first round. What do they even say? “Guess what? Chicken butt. No! We’re going to draft you – you big silly! Then we’re going to give you a hat and a jersey with the #1 on it. What’s that? You don’t want #1? No, no. It doesn’t have to be your number or anything, it just means you’re getting drafted in the first round. No. You don’t get your shoulder pads today. Listen just turn around, hug your mom and try not to cry.”
  • Draft a new expression for Peyton Manning. I want to see something other than robotic indifference and smug indignation.
  • More draft experts on evermore channels! I will not rest until the NFL draft is covered on ScyFy.
  • Roger Goodell should toss them a football when they come on stage. A test of skill and they won’t feel like they have to hug him so hard or at all.

Here are but a few ways to improve the draft. After all this talk of drafts, it’s time for a beer.

You Know What I Love About Charles Barkley?

By | April 21, 2010 | Sportscasters, Talking Trash, Unsportmanlike Conduct | 4 Comments

Charles Barkley somehow gets away with calling Ernie Johnson and Kenny Smith assholes on basic cable!

I mean, we have all wanted to do this, but Sir Charles just says what he feels like saying at the time, Standards and Practices be damned!

(via: Deadspin)

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