All posts in Soccer

The Beautiful Game in the USA: MLS Wild Card Round

Hernandez-Agudela-FC-Dallas-New-York-Red-Bulls

Can you believe it? It’s already time for the playoffs! This is the best time of year for fans and teams alike, a time when the best of the best rise to the top and show the US who is the best MLS club.

Yes, MLS, meaning Major League Soccer. You have to know that the USA has a soccer league. We share it with Canada, much like the Canadians share a hockey league with us? Come on, guys, the MLS has been in North America for 16 years now. You should try it, you’ll like it. Read more…

Cristiano Ronaldo: Too Sexy For My Cheer

I don’t really watch soccer, but some athletes transcend sports fandom and move into the eye of the general public by doing or saying something extra awesome.

I can now name two soccer players.  (One is married to a Spice Girl, and the other should be a Spice Girl.)

When elaborating on the possible reasons that people in opposing stadiums boo him, Cristiano Ronaldo of the (insert team name here if you feel like looking it up) was quoted as saying,

I think that because I am rich, handsome and a great player people are envious of me. I don’t have any other explanation.

Don’t forget pounds of glorious brains. I’m also struggling to come up with a possible explanation for the jeers you inspire when making public appearances. Because you seem to be a man who understands people.  It’s like a puzzle, and I love puzzles. Let’s see if we can crack it.

You might smell like onions. I had this friend Richard who always smelled like onions and I was his only friend. You could smell like onions. I’m not even sure he was aware of it. You might want to ask everyone you know if you smell like onions. You’ll want to ask everyone because you’re so rich and handsome that people might not tell you the truth.

I looked up some other pictures of you. I couldn’t find any of you wearing a shirt. Except for the ones where you were crying. Maybe that’s it.

It could be because you’re European. Oh, wait, it’s the Europeans that hate you? That’s probably not it then.  I thought we were talking about the Americans not liking you, because I’m not sure they do, either. Have you gotten back to me on the onion thing yet? This riddle might be solved. Please, help me, help you.

I had this other friend who spit every time he said something. You literally had to put your bathing suit on to have a conversation with him (ok, not literally had to, but I did because it really annoyed him). Are you a spitter? Because I have to tell you, people hate that.

Do you do bad celebrity impressions at parties? You look like you do a bad DeNiro. “Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me?” That’s like the most played impression ever and yes, we are looking at you, and we are not pleased.

Do you own even one David Hasselhoff cd? Don’t fucking lie to me, Cristiano. Every single one has a serial number and it’s logged into a database. I already have the answer, I just want to see if you’re a liar. People don’t like liars, Cristiano. Remember that. They don’t boo you in Germany. Why is that? Tell us.

A Love Letter To Women’s Soccer

Kelli Best Oliver (or K.B.O. if you are me) is a former Draft Day Suit writer and one of our very favorite people. She was also kind enough to let us cross post this piece on why she loves women’s soccer from her personal blog South City Confidential. Enjoy.

* * *

I started playing soccer relatively late: a awkward nine-year old lured to the sport more by the promise of Little Debbies and Hi-C juice boxes after games than any real draw to running and kicking. But in the early 90’s, especially in Iowa, it didn’t take much for a girl playing with boys to eventually get immersed in the game through club soccer. As my skills improved and my exposure to women’s soccer increased, I slowly fell in love with the beautiful game. How could you not, as an adolescent back them, be enthralled by the story of the founding mothers of US Women’s Soccer? How could you not want to be like Mia Hamm, a star so dominating, so prodigious, that she made the US Women’s National Team before she was old enough to drive a car? How could you not look up to Michelle Akers, dominating the midfield in the air, despite looking like she could be my mom? How could you not be inspired by Tiffany Milbrett, who gave hope to 5’2” girls everywhere that they could knock around the best defenders in the world?

By the time I was a gangly teenager, I was hooked. And I was also lucky. I came of age in a time when Title IX made women’s soccer the fastest growing collegiate sport at the time. If you had any amount of game, let alone decent grades to go with it, you could play soccer in college, and it could pay for your time there. So that’s what I did. I ended up playing Division II soccer at Truman State University, which ended up being the perfect place for a player like me to spend their career. I sat the bench for a year, all the while working my ass off to earn the right to start and learning what it mean to play at that level. In fact, it was the summer between my freshman and sophomore seasons, that summer I spent running and lifting and getting as many touches on the ball so that I could be in the starting 11 come fall, that the United States hosted the Women’s World Cup. And it was July 10th, one day before my 19th birthday, when Kristine Lilly cleared an almost-sure goal by China off the line with her head. When Briana Scurry saved one, just one, penalty shot during the shootout. When Brandi Chastain scored the winning penalty shot and ripped off her jersey in jubilant celebration, revealing the muscled, finely-honed physique of an athlete. And those same founding mothers celebrated and hoisted the championship trophy, they did so with their children, because the founding mothers were, in fact, actual mothers with small children.

And so, 12 years later, I watched a different US Women’s National Team, one filled mostly with players younger than me, but still filled with the same heart and guts and hustle instilled by the women who created the legacy. They were playing Brazil in the quarterfinals of the 2011 Women’s World Cup. My heart sank as break after break seemed to go to Brazil. But even after a questionable call essentially gave a goal to the Brazilians and took a US player off the field, leaving them a woman short for much of the second half, these new stars, Solo and Wambach and Lloyd and O’Reilly, never, ever, ever gave up. When all hope for victory seemed lost, after over 120 minutes of pure hustle, in one last push, Megan Rapinoe—who came off the bench, the bench!—served a perfect ball across the mouth of the Brazillian goal and there was Wambach, through two defenders, heading the ball in for a truly last-minute goal to send the game into penalty kicks. And there was no way that Hope Solo, the keeper with ice in her veins, or the rest of these women, would not finish this game with victory. 12 years later, to the date, another shootout, another victory for the team that refuses to quit. I found myself, tears streaming down my face, goosebumps on my arms, remembered just why soccer was—is—so important.

I went on to start for the rest of my career at Truman. My experiences with that team were formative to the woman I became—the woman I am. I learned the power of drive, of heart, of hustle, of hard work and delayed gratification, of loyalty and pride and integrity and grit. I learned what can happen when women work together and lift each other up. I made friendships that are still with me today: I held two of my former teammates babies this weekend; I will stand up for another at her wedding in October. I have a forged bond with some of these women. They are my sisters.

What some people don’t understand—can’t ever understand—is how soccer, for women, is more than just a game. They don’t understand that thousands and thousands of girls and young women will remember Sunday’s game for the rest of their lives, and some part of that game—maybe Wambach’s goal, maybe one of Solo’s saves, maybe Ali Krieger’s final penalty kick—will forever remind them of what they can accomplish. What they can accomplish might be on the pitch, but it might not be. It might be becoming a doctor or starting a nonprofit or running for office or being a mother who empowers her own daughters for greatness. It can be really, truly, be anything. All these women,  who worked their asses off and held day jobs while training and even mothering, they did this because of what the game means to them and to the rest of the girls and women who look up to them, without the promise of million-dollar contracts at the end of their journey. They did it because of the journey. This—THIS—is why women’s soccer is the beautiful game.

[photo: Andrew Mills]

Get Off the Phone, Soccer Parents

The oldest boy is playing soccer. The kind of soccer where they actually have practices and games and as a parent you have to go.

He’s so excited he can’t see straight.

He’s also not very good at it. That’s fine. The boy isn’t all that athletic. Maybe he’ll grow into it. Maybe he won’t. But he’s having fun, and he thinks he’s good and loves it. To me, that’s what it’s all about at this stage in the game.

I will freely admit I had my cell phone out, texting a girlfriend while they were getting organized at the beginning of practice. I had a book, I had my great big old picnic-style blanket spread out, purse half dumped and was putzing around doing this and that. But as practice got going, I set down my phone and sat to watch the shenanigans.

Eight-year-old boys who don’t have a clue how to play soccer trying to practice playing soccer is sort of a hoot.  They’re uncoordinated, they don’t pay attention and I just find there to be something joyous and hilarious about them. They’re playing a game in its least competitive form, and it’s just fun.

So all this parental musing about the nature of sport aside, I notice a kid shoving another kid out on the field. Being a completely judgmental parent, I look around to see whose jerkwad kid this is.

And that’s when I noticed.

Everyone is on their phone except me.

Texting, surfing, talking. They’re doing anything except watching the field. So I sit and observe the parents. Thumbs are flying and smiles spread over their faces as they continue to communicate with their digital world that they’ve brought with them to the soccer field.

They are missing it. They are missing the sucky dribbling and passing. They are missing the boys’ total inability to weave in and out of cones. They are missing the corner shot that knocked a kid down.

They are missing their boys being 8 years old and trying to learn a sport. This moment won’t come back. As a matter of fact, it’s over.

I’m not a perfect parent. I text more than I should and hell if my phone would surf the web I’d be snagging content from it as well. But if I believe sports are important enough for my child to play, then they ought to be important enough for me to pay attention to while they learn.

Get off the phone. Jerks.

Sports News Roundup: the Morons Edition

Between Brett Favre’s penis and the Yankees party planning, there hasn’t been a lot of smart in sports this week, unless you count the Pirates’ firing of manager John Russell, which was brilliant. Late, but brilliant. Anyway.

The week began with this tweet from NBC Sports.NBC Sports announces Moss tradeNo joke. They didn’t even delete it later.

We also heard about a Jacksonville man who ended up in serious condition with a compound arm fracture due to a missed high five while leaving the Jaguars game last Sunday. It has since been determined he was trying to leap from a gridlocked stairway to a moving escalator. As of Wednesday, he was still in the hospital.

Taking the cake in the moron department has to be news that the Ravens ejected a lesbian couple from their stadium during the Sept. 26 game against the Cleveland Browns. Security claims they were ejected for lifting a plastic cup from a concession stand that they took to use for ketchup, and not kissing, as the couple claims. Either way, it’s just plain stupid.

RAVENS-eject-lesbian-couple

Who is more off-base, Terrell Owen or the NFL and their Twitter policy? T.O. tweeted inside the 9o-minute pre-game window with the critical information that a fan wearing his jersey at today’s Bengals-Tampa Bay contest would win a signed football from him and buddy Chad OchoCinco. OchoCinco has been Twitter-law abiding since a $25,000 fine in August, and kept today’s tweets about his pet pigeon (seriously?) and the dreadful state of the world to well before kickoff. No news yet about a fine for T.O., but an NFL spokesperson says they’re looking into this possible careless breakage of an arguably rather stupid rule.

Lest you think there was no humor this week, I leave you with this video. Not smart, but also pretty silly. With thanks to Google’s translator:  Peter Niemeyer touched the breasts of referee Bibiana Steinhaus. Niemeyer, “They stood a little further away than thought, I wanted to give her a shoulder pat, but you have to entertain the crowd a little ….”

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