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Randy Moss Wants to “Unretire”

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Being an NFL player must be the greatest job in the world. I mean, that’s how it seems to me. Why else would players subject themselves to severe physical injury in their 20s and early to mid 30s, retire, and then want to come back? Is it the camaraderie with teammates, the thrill of defeating the competition, the satisfaction of breaking records, the monetary compensation?

It’s probably the money.

Of course, I would say this, as I am not an NFL athlete. Still, it’s the only reason I can come up with for Randy Moss’s announcement, via a live Ustream chat, that he wants to play again in 2012. Moss, who turned 35 on February 13, said in the video, “I wanna play football. Your boy is going to come back here and play some football, so I’m really excited. I had some things I had to adjust in my life.”

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Swoopes Signs with Shock

Whoa. Say that 5 times fast.

Sheryl Swoopes, a WNBA pioneer, has rejoined the league, signing with the Tulsa Shock for the 2011 season. She turned 40 this week.

Swoopes retired after the 2008 season after two seasons of back problems. She has played in Greece for the last 2 years and says that “I can honestly say physically my body feels better than it’s probably felt in the last two or three years I played in the WNBA.”

The Shock is hoping that her all-career averages of 15.8 points, 5.0 rebounds, 3.3 assists and 2.2 steals will help the team after a dismal 6-28 season last year.

Swoopes has a storied career in basketball including playing on three gold-winning Olympic teams.

[Image courtesy of Lucas Swoopes Basketball]

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Brett’s Back: Favre Retirement Watch, Part Too Many

Brett Favre announced in a news conference today that he would return to the Minnesota Vikings for another season.

He was so close to the Super Bowl last year, he said, he could feel it. And he “owes it” to the Vikings to give it one more try. He’s not promising he can make it through the season, though, the season that he says will be his “last.”

Right, anyway.

I used to like the guy. Respect him, even. Now, the more I hear his name the more I want to pull my ears off with some rusty pliers. Dude, grow a pair and quit trying to relive your youth. I know that you produced last year but realistically how long will that last? I’m guessing one good sack in the regular season and you’re toast, as if your body isn’t already. You’ll be in a wheelchair before your 40s are over, and then where will you be? Counting your millions while someone has to feed you because you can’t lift your right arm isn’t as glamorous as it sounds. I’m also guessing that the millions that you’ve already earned won’t be enough to buy back the missed time with your family or the time you’ll spend rehabbing all of those joints that are going to have to be replaced.

And you know what? I’m not the only one that’s calling shenanigains on you.

Go home to Hattiesberg. Have a mint julep. Relax a little. Sure, let the tv crew in when they’re ready for a little NFL analysis come playoff time, but quit jacking with your team and your body. The shtick is just old.

You can thank me later, but I’d like my share of whatever you’re paying your therapist now, in small bills. And considering that your salary is reported to hit $16.5 million this year from $13.5 million last year, plus incentives reported to jack it up to almost $20 million, I think you can spare the dimes.

Kendra is ready for some football. But not like this.

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Favre Retirement Watch, Part Three

Word on the field today is that Brett Favre will not be returning for another year with the Minnesota Vikings.

The Minneapolis Star-Tribune reported that Favre sent “This is it” text messages to teammates.

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In my most perfect world, these teammates sent text messages to Favre asking “If this is it, please let me know,” but I’m somehow doubting many or any of those guys are Huey Lewis and the News fans.

Yes. I’m digressing and shamefully resorting to changing the subject to mid-list 80s pop songs to make this marginally more interesting for all of us.

I’m sorry. That was uncalled for. YES. Brett Favre is said to be retiring, which would, as retirement is generally understood, make last season his final season in the NFL.

To be clear, Brett Favre please pay attention, this means that you Brett Favre will not play professional football or discuss playing professional football  or change your mind about playing professional football for an extended period of time, possibly forever.

Right? This is what retirement means.

This is what is supposedly happening, today. We’ll see. Favre told the Vikings he wasn’t coming back before camp last year and changed his mind. He bailed on the Packers to go the Jets. He bailed on the Jets for the Vikings, and yeah, last season went pretty well.

It’s just that when it finally happens for real, who’s going to want to throw him a party?

This story is undoubtedly developing, and we’ll keep an eye on it around here so we can be among the first to discuss it when Brett finally drops the hammer. But there is one thing to hang your hat on, one cliche that mostly comes true, and an assurance that Brett will always, in some form or fashion, be with us on Sundays:

Football legends never really retire — they just get microphones and nice sportcoats.

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