All posts in Funny

We got an e-mail from the credible voice of reason in American nudist recreation the other day. The AANR (American Association of Nude Recreationists) shouldn’t be confused with the less credible nudist associations such as ANUS (American Nudists Under Satan) and PENIS (Play Enthusiastically Naked In Style), though we always love to get their e-mails.

A word about nudists. Long have men and women fantasized about a place where glistening, toned bodies are playing beach volleyball and pillow fighting, having mustard fights, competing in naked Jenga tournaments, performing feats of strength and acrobatics, etc. A place where perfect naked people bounce and play and stimulate our visual senses.

We also all know this isn’t exactly the case.

Nudist colonies are much more about being naked and not giving a fuck that your ass more resembles lasagna than ass. That’s the kind of freedom everyone needs to know. That’s a courage everyone with lasagna ass needs to feel.

I have a lot of respect for nudists for not giving a fuck what they look like when walking around naked, because there are few things better than walking around naked. (The only thing that comes to mind is having sex naked.) I think it takes a strong and interesting person to say, “You know what? Fuck it. I’m not wearing clothes. Starting right now.” That’s winning at it’s winningest.

Nudists are exactly the type of people I would like to hang out with (if they weren’t naked), is what I’m trying to say. I don’t want to have dinner with naked people, but I wouldn’t mind watching naked people eat dinner from afar, maybe thirty feet away or so, when stuff starts getting fuzzy and I can fill in the holes with my imagination (pardon the pun).

I like a good spectacle, like a clown on fiery stilts or a monkey on a rampage. Naked people casually eating broccoli qualifies as exactly the kind of spectacle I could get behind (pardon the pun).

With that, the AANR has provided us with a list of March Madness terms and what they mean to them, as when it comes to nudists, they make everything about being naked. That’s something you’ll have to get used to when you plan your next nakation at aanr.com .

If you have any difficulties, ask for Shirley, tell her Mayo sent you and that you want the full WD-40 package, hold the onions. I booked the only mirrored room in the first week of April (The Adonis suite), so if you want that one you’ll have to go before or after. If after, you’ll want to bring some cleaning stuff and shoes with adequate traction.

To give you an example of the fun that awaits you, here are the terms:

1) NCAA -  No Clothes Allowed Anytime

2) March Madness – A nudist’s state of mind after having been bundled up all winter long. Some northern nudists have even been know to have March Madness set in so bad, they run outside naked and make snow angels.

3) Free throw – Throwing your friend into the pool without them knowing it.

4) Point spread – The distance you have to walk from your nudist resort hotel room to the pool.

5) Guard – Covering your skin with lots of sunscreen.

6) Rebound – Regaining your sanity by relaxing, restoring, and rejuvenating  your mental well-being by taking a Nakation.

7) 3 point play – Getting to play volleyball, play tennis, and play in the sand naked all in the same day.

8 ) Foul – Having to wear clothes all week long while waiting to get away to your favorite nudist resort.

9) Fouling out – Having to cancel your Nakation because your boss says you have to work overtime.

10) Tip Off – Telling all your friends about the fun nudist resort vacation you just came home from. And this will actually be the first time ever your friends will really want to see your vacation photos.

As you can see, March Madness is not just for basketball fans and college students. People of all ages enjoy basketball and also enjoy nude vacations, known as Nakations. So visit http://aanr.com and learn all about the fun of taking a Nakation. You will be glad that you did!

AANR is the credible voice of reason on issues relevant to nude recreation and Nakationing in appropriate settings, serving more than 213,000 individuals who enjoy clothes-free and clothing-optional recreation throughout North America. Download the new AANR iPhone application found in the Lifestyle category of the iTunes App Store at http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/aanrmobile or on the AANR website at http://www.aanr.com, and join the AANR community on Facebook. To learn more about nude recreation and clothes-free vacation opportunities, call 1-800-TRY-NUDE (879-6833); or visit www.aanr.com. AANR is your passport to fun, and can be had for less than the cost of a bathing suit.

I thought it only fair that I include their entire pitch. Also, #3 caught my attention. How exactly do you throw someone into a pool without them knowing it? And I could have done a better job with “Point Spread” and “foul” but far be it from me to try to upstage the naked. Whatever. If we can backtrack to the pool thing, do you mean to tell me that when I’m standing naked by the pool, other naked people will try to physically handle me and throw me in? Men or women? Does that cost extra? Do you have a brochure? Im’ not saying that I’m interested, but I very much am.

Photo