All posts in Drafts

I find the NFL draft both fascinating and completely boring at the same time. On one hand it has a direct effect on how your team (Pittsburgh Steelers) will perform during the season, but on the other hand the amount of draft day talk far exceeds the amount of applicable knowledge.

So, in order to make things more interesting and to pass the time, here is my list of draft suggestions:

• First, we need to change our site name to Draft Days Suit. Last I heard, Colt McCoy had been in the draft waiting area for 3 WEEKS!
• Speaking of, aren’t they taking things a little too quickly these days?How about one team drafts per night in primetime?! Imagine all the juicy overnight draft activity!


With the first pick in my Saturday draft, I choose getting hammered!

• Call it the NFL Draught to give it that dignified, European feel.
• Each player should give some kind of indication of his fantasy value during his post-draft interview. “I will disappoint Deion. I have all the physical tools and will flash moments of brilliance, but most folks are going to pick me too high and then hate on me all year.”
• Can the Steelers select a sense of decency for Ben? You know, being a Steelers fan in Cleveland is not easy and the way people act it’s as if I am the one walking around with my man bits hanging out of my pants. Such a strange way to seduce someone. “I’m just going to take my pants off and who’s to say what will happen with Little Ben. My hands are washed. He could find his way anywhere.”
• I do enjoy Mel Kiper’s increasing anger as his best available guys remain available. Do not taunt Mel’s hair! I have to hand it to the guy for carving a career out of a job which carries absolutely zero accountability. I guess that’s all of sports commentary, but it somehow seems worse with draft “experts.”


Mel: "Jimmy Clausen is NFL ready!"

• The “call the player before we pick them” destroys any sense of drama that that pick may hold, especially in the first round. What do they even say? “Guess what? Chicken butt. No! We’re going to draft you – you big silly! Then we’re going to give you a hat and a jersey with the #1 on it. What’s that? You don’t want #1? No, no. It doesn’t have to be your number or anything, it just means you’re getting drafted in the first round. No. You don’t get your shoulder pads today. Listen just turn around, hug your mom and try not to cry.”
• Draft a new expression for Peyton Manning. I want to see something other than robotic indifference and smug indignation.
• More draft experts on evermore channels! I will not rest until the NFL draft is covered on ScyFy.
• Roger Goodell should toss them a football when they come on stage. A test of skill and they won’t feel like they have to hug him so hard or at all.

Here are but a few ways to improve the draft. After all this talk of drafts, it’s time for a beer.