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The Colombia Women’s Cycling Team Look Naked

Colombia womens cycling team uniforms

As a Buccaneers fan, I’ve been upset all season that the new Tampa Bay uniforms this year look like digital clocks. I stopped being sad for myself when I realized I could be a fan of the Colombia Women’s Cycling team.

Holy hell. It looks like they aren’t wearing pants AT ALL.

Colombia womens cycling team uniforms

Can you even wear that on American television?

Is there a draft in here?

I am so aghast that I can’t even be funny. Go ahead caption contest right now.

 

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The Weekly Rewind

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Welcome to The Weekly Rewind, our attempt to look back at the week that was in the world of sports. Now with more snark and sass, and less Manti…. Read more…

The Slut-Shaming of Lance Armstrong

Ned Stark on Lance Armstrong

After having read the report what is obvious is that Lance Armstrong did most likely “Pete Rose” me and the rest of the world who thought it couldn’t be possible. He did dope. It was genius. It was well done, and really – bravo for breaking the rules and getting away with it for nearly forever. (Picture me standing up and clapping super sarcastically.)

I do appreciate ingenuity. There is a small part of me that wonders if I care that he did it, but that isn’t the point. It’s about the rules of ethics and behavior that not only we, the fan community, but the sport itself imposes on it’s participants. I never really was one to think “Oh athletes have to set examples and be role models.” But, I do think, there is a certain amount of character that, as a human being, you are responsible to exhibit.

Lance wasn’t a very nice guy, apparently. Or isn’t. I’m not sure. I don’t actually know him. But his teammates didn’t love him much, despite riding to success with him repeatedly as a team. Had he been better liked, they might have been less likely to throw him under the bus. As it stands, they almost seem gleeful, which is troubling to me.

In the days of torture there was belief that people who all told the same story had “set the note before”, thus couldn’t be trusted. There is an alternate possibility though, when everyone says the same thing. It’s that they are telling the truth. Sometimes, whenever everyone says the same thing, it’s because it’s real. They did see aliens. She is a witch. He did dope.

The report is troubling, it points to proof, it points to witnesses. It’s flawed – too many deals were done to secure testimony for it to ever stand up 100% to everyone but…eventually you have to realize, it’s all pointing in one direction. I won’t go on with all the details because by now it’s all over the interwebs anyway, which is sort of my point. The onslaught of information has been overwhelming and disturbing to say the least.

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It’s Like Deja Vu All Over Again…Or Is It?

Lance Armstrong

The Lance Armstrong scandal has rocked not just the cycling world but the sports world because, in short order one of the worlds greatest athletes has been given the scarlet letter of shame, simply for refusing to continue along an arbitration process that according to him, is a distraction and a stress on his life and family.

I was a long time Pete Rose fan.  In fact, I still sort of am. I saw the Big Red Machine back in the day, and it was exhilarating. I didn’t believe for one MINUTE Pete Rose was guilty. Then I believed, ok well maybe he gambled but NOT ON THE REDS  and well here we are all these years later and yeah he admits he does. In my mind, that hero was still a great athlete but now a person of lesser character.  It’s disappointing at best.

Is this the same? Does my hero worship of Lance Armstrong mean I’m blind to obvious facts?

No actually, I don’t think it does this time.

Lance Armstrong committed himself to hundreds of drug tests over his career as a cyclist. During competition, out of competition, on rainy Sundays just because someone wanted it. He did it willingly. He passed every single test, every single time. I am about 100% sure that he’s got enough haters (as witnessed by current events) that if he’d popped up positive for having even SMELLED EPO or any other banned substance, the testing authorities would’ve tattooed it on the back of the hands of every American possible, so we would never forget.

The USADA is basically telling us, with this never ending inquiry and harrassment of Lance Armstrong, that their testing is faulty to inaccurate. They can’t TELL if you’ve been doping! That’s the only way that this evil Lance Armstrong ever managed to be so successful obviously, he’s got some alchemy that has allowed him to defeat the USADA for years and years.

And now, they are going to PERMANENTLY PUNISH HIM FOREVER AND EVER for defeating them like some doping wizard cyclist.

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Weekly Roundup: Sex, Drugs, and Bieber Edition

Sex

Cincinnati Bengal Chad Ochocinco was trying to help Feed the Children by having their phone number for donations printed on boxes of his cereal, “OchocincOs.” A typo sends callers to a phone sex line instead. If Chad were not a Bengal, would this be as funny? I think not.

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Premier League players are accused of hiring 15 hookers for a post-match celebration party. This probably wouldn’t be news if one of the hookers had not been a transvestite. He kept that little tidbit to himself while doing “some oral stuff” with Fulham defender Carlos Salcido. Salcido intends to sue the transvestite. That will be fun.

Drugs

Alberto Contador is blaming his positive drug test during the Tour de France on bad steak. Contador, who won the title, tested positive in a test taken the last rest day of the 2010 Tour. His story sounds plausible. The drug detected is given to cows and meat from Spain that was consumed by Contador and his teammates. The fact that it’s the Tour de France makes this one a bit of a yawn. As Contador said, “It’s almost normal for people to doubt this sport now.” Gee, you think? This surely isn’t the end of this story, especially since Lance Armstrong is a former teammate of both Contador and Floyd Landis, the only Tour winner to be stripped of his title. So far, anyway.

Bieber

Philadelphia Phillies shortstop Jimmy Rollins has purchased the rights to a Justin Bieber song. I have no idea what this means. It’s probably just an Eenie Meenie sign of the apocalypse.

“Shawty is a (sic) eenie meenie miney mo lover?” Who wouldn’t want to co-sign that genius? Um…

None of the Above

Last week I mentioned the sport of wife-carrying.

wife-carrying-for-beer

I would be remiss if I didn’t tell you about the Harris Cup International Miniature Golf Tournament, being contested this weekend in Vestal, NY. Winners of regional qualifiers meet in Vestal to decide a champion. Nobody wins their weight in beer, though.

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Top photo: Robert Seale/TSN /ZUMA Press.

Bottom photo: Eightface.com