All posts by roger

Today in Sports

By | August 2, 2011 | Weekly Recap | Comments Off

Ok, I will admit it. I haven’t been paying much attention to sports lately. I know that the NFL has ended the lamest lockout in the history of sports a week or two ago. Where are my Pinkertons and my scabs and my Gidget with homemade sign on the table.

I know there is no NBA. And in a bizarre negotiating tactic, many players are threatening to play in Europe. That sound you just heard is 6.5 billion people not caring. No word on any negotiations or talk of negotiations. If there is a protracted work stoppage, hopefully, Patrick Ewing’s kids are fed this time around.

I have actually been paying attention to my beloved Indians. They are making a slow, slow fade into obscurity. Their high-powered offense having put up a staggering 4 runs in the last 4 games. That is truly anemic. And they just made a trade to help them out, by bringing in a starting pitcher. Wait! 4 in the 9th FTW! I did not intend my post to be a live blog of the Indians game, but there you have it.

That’s it though. No other sports for me. Wait – weeding – is that a sport? The burning hot rage of a mouse infestation? No? Power washing? It’s kind of athletic. I almost fell off the top of our sun porch. That’s funny more than a sport. Oh well. That’s it for now. Soon enough I can bore you with sports talk, but for now it’s back to digging bushes out of my front yard.

Sorry LeBron

By | May 13, 2011 | Basketball, NBA, Uncategorized | Comments Off

LeBron James, in a seemingly rare moment of self-reflection, apologized for “the way it happened.”

I couldn’t do it by myself against that team. I apologize for the way it happened, but I knew this opportunity was once in a lifetime.

LeBron was light on the specifics. I venture what LeBron meant to say was he was sorry it wasn’t easy. He’s sorry that he had to work for it. That he needed to get better at mid-range jumpers. That his defense had to improve. That he had to pass to guys who could potentially miss. He’s sorry that he never tried to bring anyone to the team. That he refused to commit to the franchise for more than a
few years at time thereby putting them in perpetual “win now” mode and crippling any chance at long-term stability. He’s sorry the
team gave him everything he ever asked for and, in retrospect, coddled him far too much. He’s sorry he’s immature. He’s only
25 after all.

Most of all, he’s sorry the world wants him to earn it. His birthright may have been an incredible ability to play basketball, but a ring is promised to no man. I think LeBron half-expected David Stern to hand him the Larry O’Brien trophy on draft night. “Oh, need to play some games first?” He’s sorry that even such massive talent, such blinding speed and awesome raw power couldn’t show up, throw down a few dunks and walk away with a championship every year.

Ken Levine / Getty Images

There’s an iconic photo of Michael Jordan hugging his first championship trophy, openly weeping, indubitably reflecting on all the hard work he’d done over his then 7-year career and the preceding decades. He probably thought about the back-breaking work of building a team from nothing to the ultimate winner. The countless hours spent toiling through the playoffs with less than ideal teammates. In the end, there was no doubt he alone was the consummate champion – a singular winner.

So, LeBron is sorry. Well, I’m sorry too. I’m sorry that should LeBron shed his own tears in the coming weeks they won’t mean quite the same thing.

Bracket Attack!

By | March 27, 2011 | Basketball, March Madness, NCAA, Uncategorized | Comments Off

Ok, full disclosure, I don’t watch much college basketball. I have a hard time mustering any attention to it pre-mid March, you know? I think it’s decent basketball, but the tournament is so compelling because it’s so frantic and so often really, really close. Otherwise, they’re taking a lot of ill-advised shots. Or as I like to say during pick-up, “Put a tent over that circus!”

You would think such ignorance would liberate me in making my picks, but alas, it has not been so. Instead I recall every prejudice I’ve ever had about any college basketball program ever and apply it to this year’s tourney despite its obvious insignficance.

“Duke, not with that pasty Danny Ferry!”

“Michigan with those long shorts!”

“Notre Dame? Oh, the pope would like that now wouldn’t he?”

Instead of polishing up my bracket in 10 minutes, I’d spend 3 to 5 work hours reading

Brackets even I can understand. I take the one on the far right.

synopses of all the teams and constructing a wonderful fantasy land in which 3 lines of text improve my
chances of success in some statistically significant way.

But the last few years I got smart and constructed a more “effective” strategy. I decided to always pick a team that is “unpopular” (i.e. not very good) with the expectation that if they win it, I’m guaranteed to be in the money, despite getting 4 to 8 correct picks in the first round.

Brilliant, right? I could have taken the “smart” pick, Ohio State. But I live IN Ohio. You know how many Nuts there are around here? Bunch-a-million (as my friend once replied when pondering how many records the Beatles had sold). Picking them would have required me to actually know something other than that Ohio State was good. Duke? Don’t they win like every year? These choices are far too obvious! One must think outside the tiny 3/4s boxes.

And man, am I looking like a genius right now. There are upsets all OVER the place. Butler’s making another unlikely run. AND something called “VICU” (do you spell the letters or try to say it as a word?? I mean, who are those guys?) is also in the Great 8. This looks like the perfect year to have applied my airtight strategy and come out like a bandit. Seriously, that Pitt pick is looking so sweet right about now.

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Cavs Beat Lakers, a Blogger Reflects

By | February 17, 2011 | Basketball, NBA, Uncategorized | 1 Comment

11/30 – Cavs start 7-10: “Okay, we’re not looking that bad.  We might finish .500-ish!”

12/2 – Cavs lose to some asshole: “OK. I’ve heard trying helps, but going with a different strategy. I’m with ya.”

12/17 – Cavs lose 10 straight to drop to 7-19: “Youch. But run off a 12-game win streak, we’re right back in it.”

12/18 – Cavs beat Knicks: “That 8th win is always the toughest. Especially when it takes like 3 months to get it.”

Losing makes Christian Eyenga sleepy.

1/11 – Cavs lose to Lakers by an order of magnitude: “There is not enough beer in creation to endure this.”

12/20/10 through 02/09/11 – Cavs end up constructing Generals-esque losing streak dropping 26! in a row: “Fuck a duck.”

If you’re mathing at home, the Cavs went 1 and 36 over a 37-game span.

2/11 – Through sheer willpower and consumption of potato moonshine I lead the Cavs to their 9th victory when they beat the Clippers last Friday: “One day I will tell my grandchildren about the crappiest team I was ever a fan of winning that game that one time that I was at.”

2/16 – After laying an egg against the Wizards 3 nights before, Cavs inexplicably beat the Lakers: “I am going to stay up past 2 am writing a post about these magnificent bastards getting 10 wins in 56 games.”

Hey sometimes it takes you three games to win two and sometimes it takes 38. And it sounds like someone is feeling a little jealous.

Go Cavs!

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The Most Hated Man in Cleveland

By | February 6, 2011 | Football, NFL | 1 Comment

Early Sunday evening, I once again take my mantle as the most hated man in Cleveland. Ok. Maybe not really. But I will definitely be less well-liked. I will go from my normal, unremarkable low ranking on the hated power-meter and skyrocket up near the top.

Becoming a Steelers Fan. (pbs.org)

Why? Well, because the Pittsburgh Steelers are in the Super Bowl. And my name is Roger and I am a Steelers fan living in Cleveland. It helps to admit when you have a problem.

How does one become a Steelers fan in Cleveland ? One Pennsylvanian-native parent and a childhood of brainwashing usually do the trick. In any picture of me under the age of 12, there’s about a 78% chance I’m wearing a Steelers t-shirt. Don’t get me wrong, I look good, but with that attire there was probably also a 78% chance of having a brick thrown at me.  Like a lot of things in sports there are plenty of people who take this rivalry a wee bit too seriously.

Why is coach wearing a helmet?

It’s not easy though. I love my city and being a fan of her most-hated (and very successful) rival is a touchy issue.  Whenever I’m around a friend who doesn’t yet know I’m a Steelers fan, there inevitably comes a moment when they will say something like, “Man, can you believe how much bronzer Mangini is wearing this year?”  That’s when I have to come clean.  “You know, I’m actually a Steelers fan.”

You ever kicked a puppy?  They just get this look on their face like, “Why did this happen?  Why did you do that to me?”  And before the red-hot burn of anger comes to their face, I first see them flash me the “kicked puppy.”  After explaining my dad is from Pennsylvania and a Steelers fan, I usually get a begrudged grunt of acceptance – not as a human being, just acceptance that my reasons for rooting for a hated enemy are somewhat legitimate.

So tomorrow as the Steelers try for their seventh Super Bowl title, I will sit in my chair at my own Super Bowl party knowing that my dad and I are the only ones in the house rooting for a Steelers win.  It’s a special bond we share.

And when we (hopefully) hear the groans of disappointment at another Steelers victory, I’ll look over to my dad and say, “Thanks for not forcing me into being a fan of the Pirates.”

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