I almost always pick up the hubby’s ESPN the mag. right away. I get the mail first, so I usually read it first.
This month it snuck into the bathroom before I saw the cover.
Imagine my shock when I saw a familiar face staring back at me as I sat on the toilet.
I babysat Prince Fielder.
Ok, actually he lived down the street from some girls I babysat and he came over to play every so often. Either way, the last time I saw him he was about up to my knees. Now he’s on the cover of ESPN.
Sigh.
I’m starting to lose faith as a fan.
Last week I watched as Steve Yzerman’s sweater was lifted to the rafters of the Joe. Yeah, I said the Joe. I’m from there, I can get away with it. However if YOU say it, I shall totally make fun of you.
Anyway, I got weepy and proud and nostalgic about 24 times each.
Then I felt dead inside.
That is until I heard the news when I woke up this morning.
(que porn music)
Becks is coming to town.
Ok, that perks me up.
A little.
Disclaimer: Oh shut up. If you can oogle the cheerleader camel toe, I can totally oogle the soccer guy.
(photo by wireimages.com)If that’s dirt, it’s unlike any dirt I’ve ever had on my hands.
So let’s just pretend it’s NOT dirt. With a hundred cameras pointed at you from a hundred different directions and everyone analyzing your every move, are stupid enough to put something that isn’t dirt right there on your palm? Right there for everyone in the world to see?
Or is it just dirt?
Or is it NOT dirt and you are just so fucking insane that you are blatantly spitting in my face? Are you just really crazy and really stupid?
You seem kinda crazy when you talk to yourself out there. You seem kinda crazy when you shove cameramen.
You can’t possibly be that crazy. Because I’m sure you know that in the land of AlterBoy Yzerman and WalkAway From Fame and Fortune Sanders, you would rip the heart out of Detroit.
I want you to just be crazy in the wear a wedding dress, dye your hair red Rodman kind of way.
Keep telling me it was dirt.
You can run the stats. You can compare the numbers. But really, it is very simple:
The other team has Snatch Face and a guy named Poo-Holes.
End of story.
You can’t lose to a team with a snatch face and a poohole.
You just can’t.
I expect an equally mature and well thought out rebuttal.
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