All posts by momofali

You’re Going to Need a Bigger Bag to Clean up Your Dog’s Tour de France Mess

By | July 5, 2010 | Cycling, injuries | Comments Off

My husband and I have two dogs.  We have a yellow lab named Blue, which makes perfect sense because we hate Michigan, and a black lab, named Daisy, which is ironic because I kill a lot of those in my garden.

At the bottom of our road there is a bike path.  Every day, my husband walks Blue and Daisy down the path.  Off leash.  While my husband covers about three miles, the dogs likely cover twice that distance because they are free to run.

The bike path is not just for bikers, but there is a yellow line stretched down the middle and a lot of people wearing helmets who speed up behind you yelling things like, “On your left!”

I won’t even get into how much I hate to walk the dogs with my husband when he does this off-leash thing, even though I realize that if the dogs don’t get their exercise they will eat toilet paper or chew up Sharpies all day.  The idea that one of my dogs could chase a chimpunk into the path of someone on a Sunday ride makes me a little anxious.  I know that if I was a biker and I flipped over my handlebars because of a dog, I would be pissed.

Now, let’s consider that it’s not someone on a Sunday ride, but instead it’s a guy who eats, breathes and lives cycling.  Let’s pretend that he’s on the ride of his life and is participating in the Tour de France which, if I’m being honest, is kind of a brutal race.  There are mountains and stuff.

Andy Schleck, either after crashing or before hitting the port-o-potty.

Andy Schleck, either after crashing or before hitting the port-o-potty.

This year’s Tour has been especially tough and has been plagued with crashes, and all of those cracked ribs are not going to feel too great when the riders cover seven miles of cobblestone on the next leg either.

There have been a lot of reasons for the crashes.  Streets crowded with spectators, slippery roads, tight turns and people who don’t put their dog on a leash.  That’s right.  Two bikers crashed because a dog ran onto the track, or, more to the point, because people are stupid.

It’s pretty sad when the pet owner is the one who needs obedience training.

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Tiger Chokes Again

By | June 23, 2010 | Golf | 1 Comment

Old news alert:  Tiger Woods chokes again.

tiger-woods

With Graeme McDowell’s U.S. Open win on Sunday, another nail was hammered into Tiger’s coffin.  Evidently, he wants to be sure his fate is sealed tight.

It is clear that he is not the player he once was.  His indiscretions have dealt him a mental blow and he looks more like a battered boxer hanging on the ropes than the best golfer in the world.   I guess that’s the hand that karma deals you when you’re a whore.

There is no doubt that if Tiger had kept his junk in his trunk, he’d be in a better position right now.  Despite the fans who still adore him, he can’t deny the fact that he is a broken man whose golf game will be forever changed because some of those fans adored him a little too much.  Okay, a lot too much.

I wish I could say that there is part of me that feels sorry for the guy, but there isn’t.  He is a disappointment to his sport and he is a disgrace to his gender.

I used to love watching Tiger play.  I used to know how fortunate I was to be born at the right time so I could see the best player to ever hold a club.

Now, I just want to hit him with one.

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NASCAR Gets Nasty

By | June 8, 2010 | Racing, Talking Trash, Unsportmanlike Conduct | Comments Off
Joey Logano, left, and Kevin Harvick when they were playing nice.

Joey Logano, left, and Kevin Harvick when they were playing nice.

I don’t understand NASCAR and I doubt I ever will.  I get dizzy watching my daughter run track.  And, she’s really slow.  Also, my favorite button on our remote is “Mute”, so any sport that involves wearing ear plugs is not for me.  Except for going to the gun range.  I like shooting things.

But, when the boys of NASCAR start talking smack and act more catty than the women of Dynasty, count me in.  I enjoy watching a good train wreck.  This is why I DVR Jersey Shore.

Although it is clear to me that the drivers believe their 3400 pound cars are penile extensions, apparently it isn’t cool when you whack someone with it, as Kevin Harvick did to 20-year-old Joey Logano Sunday at Pocano.  After the race, Logano whacked him back when he said, “It’s probably not his fault, you know, his wife wears the fire suit in the family and tells him what to do.”

I think young Logano is overestimating the power of a wife.  I can’t even get my husband to take out the trash, let alone wreck his car into someone.

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Sammy Sosa – Back to Black?

By | May 20, 2010 | Baseball | 3 Comments

Fading Sosa

What’s the saying?  Once you go black, you never go back?

Now there’s a new one.  Once you go white, you go back to black.

Last year, Sammy Sosa appeared in public with skin so white it would have made Michael Jackson shout “Sha’mon”.  Clearly he liked skin whitener as much as he liked steroids.  However, Sammy evidently grew tired of having a complexion as pale as the cast of Twilight, because as of last week, he was black again.

Doctors are now researching whether a side effect of skin bleaching is that it makes you forget how to speak English.

Well, in front of Congress, anyway.

[Photo:  Getty]

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