As I work toward a new career as a full-time college instructor I am reminded that two years ago I gave my marketing class a lecture on the history of Super Bowl ads – where and when the craze started, the rising costs of airing an ad, etc.

I also opined about what I thought were the best Super Bowl ads ever (you can see where this post is going, can’t you?)

This year, each 30-second spot costs $2,600,000 (up from $2,500,000 last year). Between 1967 and 1983 the price for an ad fluctuated with the economy, but in 1984 the prices started to go up every year, with a 30-second spot going for $368,000 for the 1984 game to $525,000 for the 1985 contest.

Now, you’re all asking what happened in 1984 that caused the sudden price-spike?

Ask and you shall receive as I go through MY own list of best Super Bowl ads evah, starting with the one that started the craze.

• Released in 1984 (ah-ha!) the ad is simply titled “1984” and it turned the Super Bowl commercial into an event that sometimes exceeded the game itself. The ad for the first-ever Macintosh was introduced in this 60-second spot done by “Blade Runner” and “Gladiator” director Ridley Scott and is an homage to George Orwell’s novel of the same name. An auditorium full of mindless and spiritless drones watches as “Big Brother” (symbolism people! IBM) goes on and on about the anniversary of the “Information Purification Directives” on a gigantic television screen. All of a sudden, from the back of the hall, a blond woman in shorts comes racing toward the screen, stops, and hurls a slow-motion sledgehammer (symbolism again people! the new Mac) and shatters the image. Then the voice-over: “On Jan. 24, Apple Computer will introduce Macintosh, and you’ll see why 1984 won’t be like ‘1984’.” Beautiful in its complex simplicity and visual artistry.

• In 1995, the way people looked at frogs was forever altered with the first appearance of the famous (or infamous?) “Budweiser Frogs.” This one can prove to you that sometimes the most basic idea is the most successful one. The synopsis is easy, three frogs sitting on lily pads in a dimly-lit swamp (as opposed to a bright swamp?), crickets chirping in the background. Then, the amphibians croak out the product name, “Budddd,” “Weissss,” “Errrrrr”. Did the ad work? Go up to any person who watches the Super Bowl, say “Budddd” and find out for yourself. During the 1997 NBA play-offs, Anheuser-Busch premiered a series of spin-off ads starring a pair of wise-cracking lizards. They, like the frogs, helped propel Budweiser and its parent company to new heights in their advertising.

• 2000 saw the airing of E-Trade’s “Monkey” ad. As was simple enough, two old men clapped off-beat to La Cucaracha while a monkey in an E-Trade t-shirt danced on top of a garbage can. Then comes the punchline: “We just wasted two million dollars. What are you doing with your money?” Funny and alarmingly simple.

• Okay, this next one aired WAY too long before Budweiser finally decided to stick a fork in it, but the first two years were a sight to see. I am talking, of course, of “Bud Bowl.” The ads were shown every year from 1989 to 1996 (and they REALLY should have stopped after 1991.) I will openly agree that the ads are not even the best Budweiser Super Bowl ads, but in that first year, many people rooted just as hard for Bud as they did for the teams in the actual Super Bowl. My bet is that Bud will roll out this campaign again some day.
• Anyone who has EVER worked in Corporate America can relate to this next one: Monster.com’s “When I Grow Up.” Released during the 1999 Super Bowl, this ad got you thinking one way, and then quickly led you in the opposite direction. How? First, Monster paraded out a gaggle of cute kids to tell us all their hopes and dreams and aspirations. Cute, right? Sure, until they started speaking their lines like: “I want to have a brown nose.” “I want to claw my way up into middle management.” “I want to be forced into early retirement.” (Hey! I resemble those remarks.)
• Electronic Data Systems (EDS) and their “Herding Cats.” Quick, what does EDS do/sell? Yeah, I thought so. EDS is a specialized product that serves a specialized group (IT/IS gee— my bad, people), but this ad brought them to the attention of the masses. Though if you asked the masses what EDS does, many couldn’t tell ya anything about them other than they do excellent Super Bowl commercials. The premise: take some guys who look like they stepped down off a Marlboro billboard (or off a screening of Brokeback Mountain… maybe not) and show them riding the range while trying to corral a couple hundred digitally rendered felines and brushing cat hair from their chaps. Utter genius. EDS had another Super Bowl hit that featured the running of the squirrels at Pamplona, Spain. That one was brilliant as well.

• Before they fell into the pit that is Britney Spears, the folks at Pepsi could always be counted on for one of the best commercials of any Super Bowl Sunday. In 1995 they aired “Diner”, which showed a scene of a Pepsi and a Coke deliveryman experiencing a moment of diner-counter detente, with each taking a sip of the other’s wares. Nice, polite, unifying… until of course, the Coca-Cola employee won’t return the Pepsi to the Pepsi employee and all hell breaks loose. The next year Pepsi released “Security Camera”, a follow-up of sorts where a security camera detects a Coke deliveryman trying to steal a can of Pepsi. He fails and proceeds to spill Pepsi cans all over the floor. This is funny stuff… even though I can’t stand Pepsi.
• McDonald’s “Showdown” premiered in 1993. This ad shows Larry Bird, who almost always seems to be completely devoid of personality, became charming-esque in a series of ads with Michael Jordan. The best was their game of “Horse”. “Off the expressway, over the river, off the billboard, through the window, off the wall, nothin’ but net.” You have to ask yourself, with these two, did they even have to digitally enhance the ad?
• In 1995, Nike put Dennis Hopper into an ad that some say signaled the onset of political correctness in American pop culture. In the ad, entitled “Patton” Hopper (in perfect Easy Rider mode) spoke, scarcely coherently, an ode to “the ballet of bulldozers, the moments of grace in a sea of fury.” The ad generated controversy as it was thought to have been mocking the mentally ill. Never mind that Hopper had been acting in that manner for years. “Bad things, man.”
• Cedric the Entertainer is romancing a very hot date in Bud’s 2001 ad simply titled, “Cedric.” When it’s time to cool off just a little, he eases into the kitchen to grab two bottles of Bud Light from the fridge. Cedric’s, um, shall we say, ‘excited’ at the prospect of what the evening might hold, so he does a little happy dance in the kitchen, accidentally shaking up the bottles in the process. The end of the evening comes too soon when he opens the bottles and the shaken beer explodes all over his date. Funny as hell, but also poignant as we all feel for Cedric… having probably done something similar to a date way back when… me? No, not me. No, no, a little bit. Long story that I won’t bore you with today.
• Budweiser’s 1996 classic “Clydesdales Play Ball”. A snowy game of pick-up football between two teams of horses with a couple of ranch hands (Jake & Ennis?) showing surprise that they went for a field goal instead of trying for a touchdown. In 2004 Bud updated the ad, in conjunction with the video-replay arguments of that season, showing: the same teams, but with a Zebra acting as referee and viewing a replay under the infamous ‘Ref-Tarp”

Budweiser – Horse Football (1996) – 0:60 (USA)
• A few years back, CareerBuilder.com unleashed “Chimps” on us. Each ad poked fun at a guy whose career is flagging because he — literally — works with a bunch of “no-good stinkin’ apes” (sorry, couldn’t resist) with a bunch of chimpanzees. In one ad, the chimps place a “whoopee cushion” on his chair. In another, the guy watches in dismay as one chimp kisses the ass of his boss. All I can say about this ad is been there, seen that. Ads with animals are big in the Super Bowl, but this one proves its popularity again and again because so many people can relate to the imagery and intent. (Show of hands, who here has worked with “chimps” before?)
• Another one that is one of my favorites (mainly because I LOVE Tabasco sauce), is the ad that shows a calm gent sitting on a front porch in the bayou, eating pizza that he keeps throwing Tabasco sauce onto. Then we see an image of a mosquito drinking his blood, the mosquito flies off and promptly explodes due to the heat of the Tabasco sauce… brilliant and simple at the same time.
• GoDaddy.com. Picture below. ‘Nuff said

What do this year’s ads have in store for us?  Guess you’ll have to tune into the game today and find out for yourself.

[Clydesdale video: Source]

Las Vegas odds for the Cowboys to win the Super Bowl have now skyrocketed.

Give me a break about the Giants and Dodgers.

And don’t even approach me about inter-city rivalries.

The best rivalry in baseball is, forever has been, and will forever be, Cardinals vs. Cubs.

Separated by less than 300 miles of Interstate 55, the two Midwestern cities host teams which have met over two thousand times since their first matchup WAY back in 1885. Yes, the Cubs may own a 1,146 to 1,078 record against the Cardinals, however the Redbirds have won eight more World Series championships than the Cubs have or every will for that matter.

It’s true that in recent years the Cubs have tried, and failed, to shed the “Lovable Loser” moniker that’s followed them for so many years.

Last year they compiled an impressive 97-64 before being swept in three games by the LA Dodgers.

The year before that the Cubs were swept by the Arizona Diamondbacks… again , a sweeping that I thoroughly enjoyed.

On the other hand is my team the Cardinals… aka the 2006 World Series Champion Cardinals who are looking to come back from a painful season in which they finished 11 ½ games behind their archrival despite winning 86 games.

So as a lifelong Cardinals fan, I’m also a lifelong Cubs hater.

This weekend, the two teams square off for a 4-game series that sees the Cardinals in First place, 2 games ahead of the Milwaukee Brewers and 3 ½ games ahead of the Cubs.

Sure, I’ll root for the Cubs if they’re playing the Yankees or Red Sox, but otherwise I want the Cubs to lose. Badly. So badly in fact that I want their ancestors to feel the sting of losing.

In short, I hate the Cubs… I really do.

But lately, something has been happening… and it’s damndest thing is.

It’s getting hard, at times, to hate the Cubs.

What’s worse is that a majority of Cubs fans are ok people… not like Yankees/Red Sox where every other fan is a jackass begging for a smack upside the head or Giants/Dodgers where people actually, you know, get physically assaulted.

Now don’t let this fool you, I still hate the Cubs with the passion of a billion burning suns.

I hate when the Cardinals lose to the Cubs.

I hate seeing so much blue at home Cardinals games when the teams meet.

If I, or anyone in my immediate family for that matter, had been alive the last time the Cubs won the World Series (waaaaaaaayyy back in 1908), I would have hated that.

If they ever, in my lifetime, win a World Series I would hate that (though that doesn’t really seem like an issue with each passing year, does it?).

I loved when the Cardinals traded for Mark DeRosa weeks ago, a move that was bemoaned not only by Cubs fans, but by Cubs players as well.

So yes, I <b>do</b> hate the Cubs… but not *as much* as the Yankees, Red Sox and, more recently, the Brewers (<i>a hatred exacerbated by their ridiculous attempts to look like ‘everyday’ people  by un-tucking their jerseys after each game</i>)

But as I said, at times it’s hard to hate the Cubs. They have a rich, if fruitless, history, a great ballpark (save for the chances of being hit by falling concrete), and an excellent fan base (save for the few schmucks that you’ll find at <i>any</i> baseball game).

Every Cardinal/Cub game I’ve ever been to has seen the fans sitting side by side, laughing, ribbing each other and buying each other beers.

Could you see that happening in New York or Boston?

So embrace the best rivalry in baseball this weekend as two games, Saturday’s afternoon tilt on Fox and Sunday’s night cap on ESPN. Not only will you see the best rivalry in sports, but you’ll also see the best player in baseball play for one of the best managers in baseball in one of the best stadiums in baseball.

It’s not a game, it’s history.

The Yankees‘ loss of their ace, Chien-Ming Wang, for up to 10 weeks prompted the team co-chairman Hank Steinbrenner to chastise the National League for playing without a designated hitter. “My only message is simple,” Steinbrenner said in Tampa, Fla. “The National League needs to join the 21st century. They need to grow up and join the 21st century.” Steinbrenner said he was angry and added: “I’ve got my pitchers running the bases, and one of them gets hurt. He’s going to be out. I don’t like that, and it’s about time they address it. That was a rule from the 1800s.” Making a rare appearance on the bases at an N.L. park in Houston on Sunday, Wang pulled up rounding third and hobbled home on a Derek Jeter single.

Yes, by all means let’s change the rules because one egomaniacal executive is having a hissy-fit because his pitcher was hurt doing what baseball players are supposed to be doing. Dumbass.

I’ll let Jeff Gordon (not that one) at the St. Louis Post Dispatch take it from here…

Western Oregon senior Sara Tucholsky – a pint-sized, light-hitting outfielder — jacked a three-run homer against Central Washington. In her exuberance over the once-in-a-blue-moon blast, she blew out a knee near first base.

As she lay in a heap, her teammates and coaches faced an unhappy reality: She would have to crawl back to first base, downgrade her hit to a two-run single and leave the game for a pinch-runner.

Her teammates and/or coaches could not help her around the bases. They could not even touch her in the base paths without ending the play.

Then Central Washington star Mallory Holtman spoke up. What if she and a teammate carried Tucholsky around the bases? Wouldn’t she get her home run?

Yes, that was the rule. An opponent can touch the runner without killing the play. So Holtman and Liz Wallace picked her up and gingerly got her around the bases to a standing ovation.

“Honestly, it’s one of those things that I hope anyone would do it for me,” Holtman told ESPN.com. “She hit the ball over her fence. She’s a senior; it’s her last year . . . I don’t know, it’s just one of those things I guess that maybe because compared to everyone on the field at the time, I had been playing longer and knew we could touch her, it was my idea first. But I think anyone who knew that we could touch her would have offered to do it, just because it’s the right thing to do. She was obviously in agony.”

Wow… I would write more, but I have some dust from the big, manly things I’m working on using power tools and my hands, in my eye…

“You know what the funny thing is? I wouldn’t have caught it, anyway.”

That’s Moises Alou talking about the ball from the 2003 NLCS that Cub fan ‘I refuse to name him because he didn’t do anything’ grabbed a ball that was allegedly in play.

After the fan grabbed the ball, Alou hopped up and down and whined like a little kid not getting a toy at Target…

Now… FIVE years after the media made a mockery of this poor fan’s life, Alou says what anyone watching the game and who WAS NOT a Cubs fan saw; he wouldn’t have caught the ball anyway.

Stay classy Moises… you fucking schmuck.

From the Chicago Cubs official site:

Outfielder Felix Pie missed a couple of days early because of a twisted testicle.

I’m sorry, I stopped reading after my legs slammed together…