All posts by jonniker

NBA Picks Up Hornets … For Now

By | December 7, 2010 | Basketball, NBA | Comments Off

In a weirdo move that could only be designed to stop the hemorrhaging, the NBA — yes, THE NBA — is in the end stages of buying the New Orleans Hornets. As far as I know, this is unprecedented by the NBA, although it makes sense for a couple of reasons, not the least of which is that the NBA doesn’t want to lose an entire franchise to some owner in over his head and desperate to divest.

The deal is this: majority owner George Shinn was trying to sell to minority partner Gary Chouest, but for a variety of reasons, the deal fell through. Shinn, apparently up to his eyeballs in debt, was starting to get antsy and desperate and Papa NBA stepped in and picked up the slack. Although they haven’t said how much they paid, exactly, the team is rumored to be valued in excess of $300M.

Obviously, too, New Orleans doesn’t want to lose another team. The Hornets have already moved around once, and since every one of their attendance benchmarks has been missed in their lease agreement, they’ve got some flexibility in the near future. Naturally, David Stern is all, no no, we LOVE Louisiana! We don’t want to leave New Orleans! Because, frankly, no one wants to be seen shitting on New Orleans, crappy basketball team or no.

{David Stern would never lie, you see.}

I can’t say it looks particularly promising for New Orleans. They’ve had season after season of stops and starts and team overhaul after team overhaul. New coaches! Now wait, different coaches! Veterans! Rookies! They’re all over the place, and the question remains whether the damage is done. David Stern claims, in large part, that their move was the best chances the team had to stay in Louisiana, but I can’t help but wonder if that ship has long sailed.

Good luck, Hornets.

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Someone Blacklist Tony Parker. No Really, Get On That.

By | November 22, 2010 | Basketball, Crazy People, NBA, Unsportmanlike Conduct, WTF? | 2 Comments

I know, I know, it’s so old and everyone’s over it, but MAN, I have to tell you, this whole Tony Parker thing isn’t sitting right with me, for really awful, embarrassing reasons that might get me in trouble and are bound to be poorly articulated.

Here’s the thing: I said it during the Tiger Woods mess, and I’ll say it again now: You date and/or marry a famous professional athlete or a celebrity and the odds that he’ll stay faithful aren’t really in your favor. I know! Unpopular! Blaming the victim! I KNOW! But really … relationship aside, being swept off of your feet, blah blah blah, look: ODDS ARE NOT IN YOUR FAVOR. Why do you think Jackie Christie was so crazy? (Sidenote: I miss Jackie Christie’s antics.) Because there are BETHONGED FLOOZIES throwing themselves at these guys on an HOURLY BASIS. And that’s … kind of hard to resist for a lot of guys. I’ve even had this conversation with my totally-faithful-would-gnaw-off-his-arm-before-cheating husband and he said, well, yeah. In that situation, he probably wouldn’t get married in the first place.

And I know there are good guys out there, I know there are. I also believe that to some degree, I think there is collusion with the wives. I have a hard time imagining that Deanna Favre was just SHOCKED that Brett was kind of a dirtball. What I found most shocking about that was that he was old and of the age where he should have been over it, but oh ho! Apparently there is no age limit  for viable penis texts.

This just in: some men are gross. And that’s not even my POINT.

The point is: really, dude? A TEAMMATE’S WIFE? I realize Tony and Brent Barry no longer play together, and that the whole text message frenzy with Barry’s wife Erin may have happened after the fact, but I don’t know, there should be some sort of fraternization policy. Seriously. I’m pretty pissed off about it. Go ahead! Find your bethonged floozy if you must. But man. Can you keep your paws off of your teammate’s wife? I mean, assuming you can’t keep your paws to yourself to begin with, which would be preferable, but I’m being REALISTIC, here, and going with the theory that resistance is futile.

If nothing else, it’s astonishingly unprofessional and for a profession that has very few constraints in terms of behavior AND relies on a team dynamic in a way that almost nothing else does (I’m talking sports in general here), for the LOVE of GOD, if you can’t keep it in your pants, can you at LEAST not fuck up everything for your teammates? How many NBA players do you think are clamoring to work with Tony Parker right now? I’m going to go with none.

[Photo: Getty]

Jonna never really thought Tony Parker was all that hot, anyway.

T.O., Iverson and Ochocinco: Primadonnas in Trouble

By | November 8, 2010 | Celebrity Athletes, Football, NBA, NFL, Talking Trash, Unsportmanlike Conduct | Comments Off

You know, I don’t really think this means anything at all, but I do think that it’s a good sign that certain, ah, athletes, are having a tough time of it later in their careers. Like, ah, Randy Moss. Allen Iverson. Chad Ochocinco. Terrell Owens.

These guys are not known for their locker room decorum, and if you look at Ochocinco and Moss, they’ve bounced around the NFL like a basketball which, of course, is not particularly common, given the NFL’s short season. And T.O. … well, then. Allen Iverson? Playing in Turkey.

allen-iverson-turkey-mr.-potato-head

Look, I’m not saying I’ve worked with these guys personally. Hell, I don’t know if everything people say about them is true, and I sure as shit have no room to talk, given that I defended Michael Vick, but it’s telling to me that guys who were notorious douche canoes throughout their career are having a difficult time finding a reasonable home to finish out their legacy. Maybe — just maybe — professional sports, the fans and the staff who must endure them, have had enough with the primadonna bullshit. And given their behavior and astonishing lack of professionalism I wouldn’t be looking for them next to Jesse Palmer (OMG CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT GUY IS ON ESPN?) after they retire. Maybe — MAAAYYYBE — there’s a lesson in there for younger athletes. Not that I’m looking in anyone’s specific direction (LEBRON JAMES COUGH OMG DID I SAY THAT OUT LOUD?).

We can only really hope that the T.Ocho Show is the closest thing to a broadcasting career Chad Ochocinco ever gets.

chad-ochocinco-and-terrell-owens

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Jonniker enjoyed watching Randy Moss when he played for the Patriots, when she wasn’t taking her afternoon nap.

Patriot Hair Smackdown: Moss vs. Brady

By | October 11, 2010 | Crazy People, Football, NFL, Talking Trash, WTF? | Comments Off

Oh dear God, this is just so stupid, I don’t even know where to go, honestly.

In the weeks prior to Randy Moss’s ousting from the Patriots, he and Tom Brady apparently had words, some of which involved barbs about Moss’s beard and Brady’s hair. No, seriously, behold, for according to CBS analyst Charley Casserly, this happened:

“One of Brady’s problems with Moss was his behavior as a Patriot,” said Casserly. “One of the things overheard was Brady telling Moss, ‘You’ve got to cut your beard.’ And Moss counters, ‘You’ve got to get your hair cut. You look like a girl.’”

tom-bradys-bieber-haircut

I just … well, seriously? On the one hand, that probably happened, because both accusations are totally true. On the other, as a Boston resident and Pats observer, I’m having a hard time believing that this was a tremendous factor in the whole mess. Boston is notoriously cheap, and is known to be rather miserly when it comes to how they compensate their team members. Brady, of course, is a notable exception, but beyond that, there have been a legion of great players left in the dust for reasons that don’t make sense to anyone but Bill Belichick and MAYYYBE Robert Kraft, but that usually come down to a simple cost/benefit analysis, with the focus on cost.

And oh, look. the Boston Globe already rounded them up for us. And they also told us that this whole thing was in the works last season.

Moss

Don’t get me wrong — I’ll take the controversy where I can get it, particularly if Brady and/or his stupid Bieber hair is involved. But for Pats watchers, this is hardly surprising — in fact, it’s vintage Belichick, and Belichick doesn’t make moves based on who gets along with whom, who fought about hair, and who has the cleaner shave.

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Jonna is a Bostonian who hates football, loves baseball and basketball, and recently had all her dreams come true when Shaq came to the Celtics.

From the Obvious File: NY Yankees Are Arrogant Pricks

By | October 10, 2010 | Baseball, Talking Trash, Unsportmanlike Conduct, WTF? | 4 Comments

Or maybe it’s just Bloomberg. Either way, it’s distasteful to say the least:

Bloomberg already planning Yankees’ victory parade.

Oh, what victory parade, you ask? The one after they win the world series, which is not even scheduled to begin (YES, BEGIN) until Oct. 27. The one that the Yankees are not even confirmed to be IN, given that they haven’t even begun playing the ALCS series. WHICH IS NOT THE WORLD SERIES.

It’s … well, it’s kind of amazing, is what it is, but it’s not really surprising. I understand  that I’m predisposed to dislike the boys in stripes, given my irrevocable status as a member of Red Sox Nation, but errgh, they act like this ALL THE TIME. ALL THE TIME. It’s infuriating, and it’s what makes them so easy to despise, because COME ON.

At least Derek Jeter has some sense, as always:

“You try to win every game you play, but it’s no cause for celebration,” said Derek Jeter, who delivered an RBI single in the seventh. “It’s not the best two out of three. We still haven’t done anything yet.”

(Is now the time to admit that despite wishing most of the Yankees would die in a fire that I have a soft spot for Derek Jeter? And, uh, Andy Pettitte? I am a sports fan after all, and Jeter is a true ball player and Pettitte … well, he’s the anti-Clemens, obviously.)

Jeter

(Smirking probably because he’s dating Lyla Garrity, not because he’s a smug prick. Well, at least not in public.)

{Photo credit: Getty Images}


Jonna is a Bostonian who hates football, loves baseball and basketball, and recently had all her dreams come true when Shaq came to the Celtics.

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