Draft Day Suit

Apparently ESPN correspondent Tony Kornheiser is moonlighting as the Fashion Police based on the recent barrage of insults he hurled at ESPN’s Hannah Storm’s attire. I’ll give him points for also trying to embrace his inner literati for including some Dennis Miller-style stingers like calling her a “Holden Caufield Fantasy”. Ah….now say something witty about Moe Green. Reference heavy insults are always classy.

For some unknown reason, a female sports anchor’s attire was more important than her skill or professionalism. His remark that  “she looks like she has a sausage casing wrapping around her upper body” was just one example of the bizarre insults he hurled out of nowhere at his peer. They seem like something that a woman who has proven her merits shouldn’t have to accept – yet there she sits, in that skirt he so disapproved of, accepting his apology for his ridiculous cave man behavior.

Apparently he’s issued an apology, gotten suspended and tried to explain/defend himself on his radio show. “He’s a sarcastic guy” he says. AH. You have sarcasm at your disposal, so it’s okay to say whatever you like no matter how hurtful or rude? I wasn’t aware you had SARCASM man, I’m sorry. Here I am getting my little feminist feelings hurt.

But while we’re at it – I’m a rather SARCASTIC girl who writes on a sports blog (when I’m not being all barefoot and pregnant). And you know what I notice?

I notice that you are wearing a tie that has browns which don’t properly complement your jacket. The yellow looks like police tape yellow – which I think is a questionable choice given your skin tone. You have a receding hairline which makes me think that you either can’t afford Rogaine or you lack the cajones to accept your fate and be cool enough to be bald.

And OH MY GOD why is your nose so big? Seriously, ESPN pays well, I’d expect. Can you not get that reduced with just a wee bit of rhinoplasty? Your left ear appears to be longer than your right ear which lends a disconcerting assymmetry to your face. In fact, it weirds me out.

I’m just a sports blogger. I’m a sarcastic girl. I don’t mean any harm.

Oh, and I bet this guy goes through more sunglasses than Moe Green.

Please add five points to my score for the Moe Green reference.

It’s easy to forget that there are some firsts that women haven’t achieved yet. I’m not out there burning my bra about it, because God knows I need it, but I really had a “huh?” moment when I heard that for the first time EVER a woman, Kelly Kulick of New Jersey, won the Professional Bowling Association (PBA) championship.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t follow the PBA. I give it a passing glance as my grandfather bowled professionally a wee bit before the fact that he wasn’t making any money and his real life called him back. Still, I’m seriously stunned it took this long for a woman to take the top spot.

I suppose it has a great deal to do with traditions, the “hey meet me in the girls’ gym” sort of traditions that no one ever seems to realize are a very modern version of separate but equal. And thus, wrong.

So when I realized that a woman had won it – finally here in 2010 – I was a bit taken back.  There are a lot of sports in which women would and do struggle to compete at the same level as men, given physical differences alone. I am never going to be as tall as Lebron James (but I can thwop a water bottle just as effectively, by God). I am never going to be able to stand head-to-head against any offensive line in the NFL – unless I am prepared to get squished upon the snap.

But bowling is a game of skill rather than strength so it amazes me that it took a woman this long to pick up a championship.

I certainly had never heard of Kelly Kulick, but in watching her ESPN interviews and reading the myriad comments about the tournament one thing is for certain – someone respected as well as a talented bowler won the PBA and that’s a nice thing to see regardless of gender.

Now, who has that list of other championships women are capable of but hasn’t won yet?

So while the jury is still out on whether or not this is a prank, Don “Moose” Lewis has announced in an August, Ga., newspaper that he’s launching the All-American Basketball Alliance.

Anyone can play, you just gotta be a natural born U.S. Citizen (don’t want any of those pesky immigrants) and both of your parents have to be 100 percent Caucasian.  All Larry Bird, no Michael Jordan apparently – not to put too fine a point on it.

According to the article in the Atlanta Journal Constitution, Lewis wants to emphasize the “fundamentals of basketball” rather than the “street ball” played by “people of color.”

Hmmmmmm. Well, what about immigrants who are lily white -like the Irish or the English? Are we really going to exclude the Norwegians, Dutch and French? I mean – it’s one thing to be racist against the “people of color” but DEAR GOD is this mad man proposing we are racist against our white brothers?

While I try not to choke on the entire premise, joke or no, his arguments simply don’t hold ground. He alleges in the AJC article that promoting a “Whites Only League” will prevent things like being flipped off during games, players attacking you in the stands or players grabbing their crotches. If you simply remove the racist, bigoted aspect well……..I’m sorry Moose – have you MET any white people?

I even have examples!

Here we have Bud Adams, who is without fail an old WHITE dude whose parents were VERY likely both of Caucasian descent – flipping off tens of thousands of fans. That’s right – flippin’ ye old bird. To the FANS.

Ron Artest does NOT hold the world record for attacking fans in the stands. I love me some Ron Artest from his Pacers days, and yeah he does roll a little thug life, but he’s not the sole perpetrator of this behavior. After all, baseball legend Ty Cobb once attacked a HANDICAPPED MAN during a game and received an eight-game suspension for such behavior. Ty Cobb was………hmmmm – WHITE.

Crotch grabbing? I’m not even going to Google that one although some pics might be a nice way to start everyone’s day. I am about 100 percent positive that old Moose has grabbed his crotch three or four times already today and he isn’t wearing a jock. So I’m just throwing that one out as well.

Upon reflection – with these arguments removed, I can’t find any other reason TO create such a league…except the intention to exclude individuals based on race.  And that doesn’t fly in 2010, my friend Moose.

He says “He doesn’t hate anyone of color,” and that there is no “hatred” about what they are doing in his AJC interview. Well – that might be true, friend. And I don’t hate bigots and racists, or people who promote professional wrestling either.

Oh wait, yes I do.

He calls what he’s going to promote an event that is going to promote “Feel good, fun nostalgia.” You know, here in Atlanta I think there is some nostalgia that might not feel so good to one entire segment of the population.

I’m giving you and your jackboot-wearing friends a FAIL, Moose.  But I hear that Rush Limbaugh is very interested in investing in major league sports teams. I’d give him a buzz. He’s completely down with the sort of nostalgia you’re into. You guys should totally get together. That’d be a win for you both!

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[Photo credit: ThelMagazine.com]

Yes, it’s taken me THREE DAYS to pull myself together enough to form a coherent thought after the BLASPHEMY that took place on Sunday’s Colt’s Game.

Now I’m not some nutball zealot who doesn’t understand that there is a time and a place to pull a starter. Favre was getting beat up on a couple of weeks ago. He got pulled. He wasn’t happy. But his coach saw something that Favre’s ego wasn’t dialing in – he was vulnerable. And wasn’t being effective. Rather than risk your QB and continue to be ineffective that was really probably a good time to pull him over to the sidelines if for nothing else than a philosophical discussion about WHY starters get pulled.

This isn’t that situation. The Colts had the LEAD when Manning was pulled, along with other starters – and now for Colts President to come out and say it was NEVER their plan to have a 16-0 season, it was to win the AFC South….well it’s got some of us thinking.

Most of us are going WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

Oh – so it was your plan to LOSE? That’s sort of what you are saying there Bill. You’re calling this loss “inconsequential” but you are looking at it with the wrong eyes.

Sports might be business but in fact the rules of SPORTSMANSHIP are in play during each game, in varying degrees obviously. And what is an important rule?

WE PLAY TO WIN THE GAME.

Do you know what it is called when you just let the game go? It’s called CHEATING! Ask the Black Sox. Bill Polian is saying that winning that game wasn’t important – which means that he’s basically letting us all know that they weren’t interested in winning.

Hey – scrubs who haven’t touched a football all year- get on the field! You’re in!

The city of Indianapolis is RIGHTEOUSLY offended to the point that Beurt SerVaas (former councilman and the GUY WHO ARRANGED THE MOVING TRUCKS TO BRING THE COLTS TO INDY) says that the Colts Organization owes fans a REFUND.

Do you know why it matters, Bill Polian and anyone else who is listening? It matters because we loved and supported you WHEN YOU SUCKED. Through Jeff George and Jim Harbaugh – through the years when a winning season wasn’t even a glimmer we loved you. We held on and we gave you our loyalty and our faith that SOMEDAY there would be a team to be proud of.

And you broke that trust Sunday by saying a win didn’t matter.

YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME.

YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME.

Yeah, you do owe Indy fans a refund for that bullshit move. My husband went and watched the game in a bar. You may send me a check for the beer he drank.