Rugby Player Banned for Penis Biting | Draft Day Suit

Rugby Player Banned for Penis Biting

From the moment I became aware that rugby existed I was aware it was a violent sport. I remember seeing a guy on campus who was wearing a shirt that read “Give Blood. Play Rugby”.

Back in college I hung out with a group of people that included several rugby players. Individually they were lovely people, but when you got a lot of them together it was chaos. It was from rugby players that I learned of the Flaming Zulu. The Flaming Zulu involved a naked guy going up on the roof, taking a long strip of toilet paper, shoving one end into his butt crack, lighting the other end on fire, jumping off of the roof and running around the house. You win if you don’t burn your ass.

I don’t get it either. There was also some sort of hazing thing that involved the rookies stripping down to their underwear and being strapped together with belts and being hit with spoons. I couldn’t possibly be remembering that correctly. That doesn’t even make sense.

Not like the Flaming Zulu. That is perfectly reasonable.

Sometimes you would just see the rugby players headbutting each other for fun. Sometimes you would just see them walking around naked for no reason.

I mean, no reason besides the fact that they were drunk rugby players.

Ninety five percent of the naked men I saw in college were drunk rugby players.

Very little of that has anything to do with the penis biting story.

Tugun Seahawk Anthony Watts was banned from rugby last week for biting the penis on a Bilambil Jet during a scuffle that occurred while playing a preliminary final.

Anthony Watts Crazy

Is it weird that I am more bothered by the idea of a preliminary final than I am about one dude biting another guy’s junk during a rugby game? I mean, honestly, what the hell is a preliminary final? Isn’t that an oxymoron? What the hell goes on down there in the Gold Coast-Tweed Rugby League? Penis biting. Preliminary finals. None of this makes any sense. Australia is confusing.

Back to the incident.

You can’t really tell exactly what happened from the video, but apparently the victim (whose name I can’t find anywhere — I guess I respect the Gold Coast-Tweed Rugby League for protecting the innocent?) immediately pulled his pants down and showed the referee what happened. There must have been some clear evidence because the ref immediately placed Watts on report.

Ew. I’m glad I am not a rugby referee. That couldn’t have been pretty.

Watts was banned for eight matches.

As far as I know, nobody pressed charges for sexual assault although I am pretty sure that would qualify here in the states.

My friends and I have a scale where we judge crazy on a scale of famous people. You could be Lindsay Lohan crazy or Ted Nugent crazy. A more severe judgment is Michael Jackson crazy. The top of the scale is Mike Tyson crazy, and that guy only bit off Evander Holyfield’s ear.

I think I am going to have to recalibrate the crazy scale. Congratulations, Anthony Watts. You out-crazied Mike Tyson.

 

 

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About the author
Goon Squad Sarah lives in the Washington D.C. suburbs and spends a lot of time obsessing about the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, the Washington Capitals, fantasy football, and explaining to her nine year old twins why we don't root for the Redskins in our house. Sarah is also a sucker for the Orlando Magic and the Washington Nationals. If you can't get enough of Sarah here you can also find her writing at Sarah and the Goon Squad, SNAFU Music, MamaPop or a myriad of other sites depending on the day. She also sits on the advisory board of Women Talk Sports. Sarah founded Draft Day Suit back in 2006.

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One Reply to Rugby Player Banned for Penis Biting

  1. norm says:

    OK this is all very easily explained. Upon further research it appears this guy is in fact a Rugby League player. League is a different sport than Union rugby, which is the rugby we all played in college. I’m a big fan of analogies to explain the differences between sports. For example: Australian rules football is like a fistfight broke out at a volleyball game. Rugby Union is a ruffian’s sport played by gentlemen, Association Football is a gentlemen’s sport played by ruffians, and Rugby League is where you’re going to find pretty much all the penis biters.

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