OMFG, Aaron Hernandez, You Giant Dumb Dummy. | Draft Day Suit

OMFG, Aaron Hernandez, You Giant Dumb Dummy.

I’m ashamed. As a 20 year supporter of the Patriots, I’ve had to defend against a lot of trash talking: “cheaters” “pretty boy” “hoodie“ “Uggs” “Dark Lord” “signed Tebow” “keep losing to Eli who’s really not that great” and I take it all in stride. I will not, however, defend an alleged murderer. I’m not a Ravens fan, after all.  If you did “orchestrate the murder” of Odin Lloyd, then I hope you rot in a jail cell forever. As much as I love your on the field play (how many amazing catches did you make, just last season???) I will not support you during this trial. Sure, maybe I’m jumping the gun here and I should wait until a court finds you guilty, but the evidence is just so damning. The fact that you attempted to destroy the evidence is even more damning.

Aaron Hernandez being put into a police car outside his home after being arrested.

Source: Business Insider

As I watched you get arrested this morning, I shook my head. The least you could have provided me with as a parting gift was being arrested shirtless so I could enjoy the view. But no, you went ahead and covered up, which just made you look dumber than I am beginning to think you are.

The Patriots went ahead and fired you and while I wish it was without pay (you at least were smart enough to hire an agent that made sure there wasn’t a “failure to perform” clause in your contract), I’m glad you’re off the team. Your actions allegedly contributed to the death of someone who was a part of your circle. I am so proud to root for a team that will not support someone whose only solution to a “beef” is with gun violence. That kind of mindset is unacceptable, on every level. I heard there was a crowd of people standing outside the jail you were taken to shouting “We love you, Aaron.” I don’t. Any other respectable Patriots fan has also realized that while you may not have pulled the trigger, you were somehow involved in a young man’s death. Unacceptable. Today, you made me very glad I didn’t drop any money on your jersey last season. I came very very close, many times. But because I couldn’t decide whether I wanted your jersey or Gronk’s, I kept putting it off. I guess you made that decision a little easier for me this year. So, thanks?

Without you on the playing field we’re left with a giant hole to cover. Gronk can kill it on blocking, rushing, etc., but no one can replace your innate versatility. Sure, there are free agents out there, some who might make a good fit for our roster, but this year just won’t be the same without you. And no, please please PLEASE do not remind me of Tebow. He is not tight end material. As anxious as I am for Belichick to do something with Tebow, filling your spot with him is not the smart move. I’d rather we pay him to sit on the bench, to be honest. No Welker, no Hernandez, and a Gronkowski that isn’t 100%. This is going to be a long season. But I’d rather do it without you than with you. Maybe I’ll get lucky and Belichick will perform some more of his dark magic and conjure another tight end out of thin air.

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About the author
Tom Brady and Craft Beer. She enjoys both of those for 17 weeks every Fall and it is a glorious time for her. Raised in sunny San Diego, she grew up a Chargers fan and a Packers fan because her Dad is from Wisconsin. After a move to BFE Ohio in 1992, she decided to switch allegiances and become a Patriots fan. Why? Well, the uniforms were pretty colors and she was 12. In college she became a Yankees fan out of spite and in her late 20's she became an LSU fan out of love. After moving to Pittsburgh in 2010, she's become a die-hard Pirates fan and a reluctant Penguins fan. Can someone teach her about hockey, please? She will never, ever, ever under any circumstances, root for the Steelers. Ever. Don't ask her about basketball or soccer or any other sports, she could care less.

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6 Replies to OMFG, Aaron Hernandez, You Giant Dumb Dummy.

  1. Sarah says:

    I feel your pain. As a Bucs fan I have lived through many a player arrest. Never this high profile, but still.

    I love this post. So happy you decided to join us.

  2. clumberkim says:

    35 NFL players arrested this year. It’s still June. Ugh.

  3. Sarah says:


  4. MsBossyNoPants says:

    Thanks for having me! I wonder if 2013’s number of arrests is some sort of record?

  5. Freddy V. Wade says:

    When Jets defensive end Calvin Pace jokingly called the Patriots the “Evil Empire” earlier this month, the man was onto something. In the wake of the New York Yankees’ dynasty years of the late 90s and early 2000s, the George Steinbrenner doctrine of “Anything less than a championship is failure” came to define the mind-set of both the organization and fanbase. Robert Kraft is no Steinbrenner, but the same thinking saddles the Patriots , who will always be measured against their glory years.

  6. MsBossyNoPants says:

    Is it a bad thing to be measured against your best performances? Personally, I think if you’re not always striving to beat your best, then why are you even trying? My friends jokingly call Belichick “The Dark Lord”. I take it in stride, because one day, the leadership of Belichick and Kraft will combine with natural player ability and The Patriots will be back on top – where they belong.

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