Manning Might Miss Season Opener

It appears that Peyton Manning isn’t fully recovered after getting a little neck surgery in the off-season. Over the weekend, he had acute back pain and might be in for another surgery. No one knows, or if they do, no one is saying much. And chances are that Kerry Collins will be at the Colts’ helm come Sunday. What does all of this mean?

Well, for one thing, my friend Todd is super pissed.  He drafted Manning in fantasy football right before I was planning to pick him. Not only does this greatly affect the performance of his own team, but it actually did me a favor. He really hates that. And last Tuesday, he walked like 10 batters and got hit in the foot with a softball. Todd is having a shitty week, basically.

As far as the Colts are concerned, I haven’t yet considered the ramifications much beyond Todd’s team, but I imagine the Colts are a little nervous. Kerry Collins is one of the most adequate quarterbacks that has ever played the game, for sure, but you’d have to guess that they’d prefer Peyton Manning. Duh. Colts update finished.

Todd has to start Kevin Kolb or pick up someone on the waiver wire. Kolb is pretty good, but he’s no Peyton Manning and lacks the experience that Collins brings to the table. I’d almost consider picking up Collins or one of the many available quarterbacks.  And to add to Todd’s confusion, he will have no idea if I’m completely fucking with him and this whole post is being strategically written to create confusion in his world.  But since that’s clearly not the case, you definitely want to pick up Collins, Todd, and worse, if you don’t, he’s going to have 4 touchdowns. You know it’s true.

Is Collins a viable fantasy option? It pretty much depends what Todd does. If he plays him, no. Collins will fail miserably. But if Todd doesn’t play him, Collins will break a record. Todd already knows this. He’s fucked no matter what he does, but you can benefit by knowing what he’s going to do.  So when I find out, I’ll tell you. I’m going to call him right after this is published and tell him to read it. He will, and then he’ll say, “Fuck You! Asshole!”

Then he’ll bitch about picking up Peyton Manning and say things like, “Dammit! I wasn’t going to pick him, but at the last minute I… Fuck!” And then I’ll say, “I know! I would have picked him if you hadn’t” and that will make him angrier. Then I’ll say, “Hey, but seriously, you might want to jump on Collins. They’re still the Colts.”

We’ll go back and forth and he’ll hate the Collins idea, except for now he knows that Collins will automatically do better than anyone he picks. The thing about Todd is, he knows an asshole when he sees one.

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