Archive for September, 2011

IAAF Thinks Women Need Boys to Succeed. Classy.

By | September 30, 2011 | Legends, Women's Sports | 3 Comments

I don’t usually follow competitive running that carefully (although I did once run a 5K in a blazing 25 minutes once- be jealous, folks) but even I know when to call bullshit.

The International Association of Athletics Foundation (IAAF), the world governing body for track and field, recently decided to change the rules regarding women’s marathon records to require that a woman’s time can only qualify as a world record if she runs in a women-only field.

That means that Paula Radcliffe’s world record 2:15:25 at the 2003 London Marathon — so widely considered to be one of the greatest running performances in history that even I had heard about it — no longer qualifies as a world record because she ran with male pace-setters.

The IAAF’s thought seems to be that a woman couldn’t possibly perform that well on her own, she’d need men to help her — so it shouldn’t count.

What a crock.

Now interestingly, it appears to be true that elite women runners DO run faster when there are men running nearby.  There could be several reasons for this, but one obvious one, in my view, has nothing to do with gender: EVERYONE runs better when there is a pace group around them.  Not a lot of women can run as fast as Paula Radcliffe.  So pretty much by definition, for her to be running in a pack, that pack is going to be populated by men.

Does that really make her accomplishment any less extraordinary?  I mean, come on.  No one suggests that Paula Radcliffe did not run the 2003 London marathon on her own two legs.  Instead, the IAAF seems to think that merely by running alongside men, her performance was somehow not worthy of a world record, and instead must be referred to as “world’s best.”

In addition to being completely annoying and patronizing, this decision has another problem: the vast majority of marathons are mixed-gender fields. This means a woman can no longer set a world record at New York, or Chicago, or Berlin- because men run those marathons, too. Instead, world record status will be limited to those few (and much smaller) marathons that feature only women.

The good news, if there is any, is that everyone except the IAAF seems to recognize this is total BS.  The race directors of World Marathon Majors and the Association of International Marathons have already gone on record as saying that they refuse to accept the IAAF’s decision, and Nike has started a facebook campaign arguing that the 2003 time should stand as the world record despite the rule change.

I mean, what’s next? No world record if the course was too flat? If the weather was too perfect? If you had too many people cheering you on and giving you that extra boost at the end?

Paula Radcliffe did something amazing when she set the World Record in 2003- and it should stand. Period.

Racism is in the Eye of the Beholder, Unless You’re Racist

By | September 30, 2011 | Hockey | Comments Off

So, let’s say you’re at hockey game and someone makes a play that you, in your infinite wisdom do not agree with. Do you:

A) Yell that your grandma plays better hockey from her wheelchair with her guide dog.

B) Yell that they should replace said player with the team mascot for maximum effectiveness.

C) Yell that you, as a mid-level manager at a dog food supply company could play better (insert position here) than said player.

D) Throw a banana at said player, who happens to be black.

If you chose D, like the douche who threw a banana at Philadelphia Flyer Wayne Simmonds (one of the few black players in the NHL), I should like you to consider the following.

Douchey McKKK is admitting to throwing the banana, but is flummoxed at why people would think it’s racist. His lawyer adds that, if anything, Christopher Moorehouse wishes he’d chosen another fruit:

He was horrified when he saw the implications a day later as to how it had come out, and he said to me, ‘If I had an apple or an orange, I would have thrown that out onto the ice. I did not realize the significance. This is a young guy who’s guilty, if anything, of an act of stupidity.

Um. I don’t know. It might be racist because you threw a BANANA at a BLACK guy. This is not a complicated algorithm. So yes, Christopher Moorehouse. When you premeditated your offense by bringing a banana to a hockey arena to throw it at one of the few black players in the league, you can rest assured that what you are doing is, indeed, racist.

You can also cease acting shocked that everyone else thinks so, too.

At least Simmonds got the goal.

Photo Credit

Source

If You’re Going To Install A Basketball Goal, Do It Right

By | September 29, 2011 | Basketball | Comments Off

My buddy and I used to shoot a lot of hoops in his driveway until the backboard fell off the side of the house. I know you’re thinking it was probably a result of my monster dunking skills, and yes, nothing could be further from the truth. I used to be able to touch the rim, but now I just look at it on television and scream things like, “What are you doing?! Where’s your head?!”

In one way or the other, basketball has touched most of our lives, whether it be shooting some hoops with a loved one or a great player stepping onto the world stage and becoming a household name. But what many of us remember is playing a little one-on-one with our dads and wanting to relive that experience with our own children by having a basketball hoop installed. Either that or like many kids, yours love to play basketball and a well installed hoop can keep a child entertained for hours and even years.

I’m not saying, “Don’t you want to get your child away from you?” Not at all. I’m just saying that other than an XBOX, shooting baskets is still the one thing a child can do on his/her own, with friends, and be fine with it either way. I haven’t seen a child outside in years. I thought we might have stopped making them.

Basketball hoop heart

To me, nothing is sadder than pulling on a street and seeing a basketball hoop laying on its side. I typically stare at the house and think, “What could possibly be going on in there where they could let that happen?” Then I look away in disgust. You’ve seen what I’m talking about.

Then other times, you see one of those awesome in-ground basketball hoops or a professionally roof-mounted basketball goal and you think, “those people thought about the future.” These things take a beating and need to be done correctly. That’s why if you’re going to do it, call Pro Dunk Hoops. They’ve thought of everything.

For instance, If you have a small child, he or she is probably going to grow.  This process can take up to 18 years (I looked it up).  The people at Pro Dunk Hoops have also figured this out. They know that not only do you need a hoop that grows with your child, but also needs to be durable enough to withstand the elements and the constant beating a backboard can take, especially when a grown man like me lowers it to eight feet and jams it with authority before hanging on the rim and screaming, “I’m the King! I’m the King!” That’s why they offer a height adjustable in-ground basketball hoop that’s designed for your children, but durable enough for my adult shenanigans. They even have a lifetime warranty.

The point of all this is that if you’re going to install a basketball goal, do it right. Have the professionals install it, guarantee it and make sure it’s done safely. Family owned and operated since 1984, Pro Dunk Hoops offers fixed height in-ground basketball goals, adjustable height in-ground basketball goals and roof mounted basketball goals that are made to last, installed by experts and will never, ever be on their side, unless a lot of other stuff at your house is also on its side, in which case you’ve got bigger problems than playing basketball.

Image courtesy of Chapparal on Flickr, used under Creative Commons.

Goodbye Norman Bates – and Jim Tressel

By | September 26, 2011 | Coaches, College Football, NCAA | 2 Comments

Please welcome our friend from Ohio, Brittany Gibbons. You may know her as the Barefoot Foodie or one of the founders of Mouth Media. We know her as awesome.

* * *

When I was little, I won a rabbit at the fair after popping three balloons in a row with a dart.

My parents were pissed, but I loved that rabbit, carnie mange and all.

One summer day, I put the rabbit in our fenced backyard to frolic around and do rabbit stuff, and completely forgot about it until dinner. By the time I went out back to get him, I couldn’t find Norman Bates (I was a weird kid) anywhere.

I was hysterical, and my parents told me that Norman Bates probably saw some of his bunny friends and climbed over the fence to be free.

Every morning, for a week, I left a plate of carrots and lettuce in the backyard, in the hopes that he would return.

He never did.

Years later, my dad finally admitted that he had left the gate open and Norman was hit by a car. But I refused to believe him, and demanded that he describe what the dead bunny on the road looked like, because there was no way it had been Norman Bates.

Jim Tressel is my Norman Bates.

I’ve had 120 days to digest that he is gone, but until I saw his guts splattered across the front end of a car, I still couldn’t grasp that every Saturday, he won’t be on the field in his vest and headset.

Last week, playing Miami, I saw the roadkill. In fact, I smelled it. And it stunk.

We Buckeyes aren’t used to this. We are used to dominating the game despite our excessive penalties, making it to either the National Championship or a prestigious bowl game, and then blowing it. This is how we do things.

We opened our season plowing through Akron, just eking by Toledo, and then, last week, falling to Miami and falling from the NCAA ranking.

What the fuck, y’all!?

So this is what this feels like?

A whole suck ass season paying the piper for greedy, entitled first stringers and our demi-God enabler of a coach.

Things looked bleak, until yesterday. Coming off a painful 24-6 loss to Miami, Interim Coach Fickell swapped out starting senior QB Joe Bauserman, for freshman Braxton Miller in their match against Colorado, and from the moment he took the field, it was clear he was going to be running the show for the rest of the season. What he didn’t complete in passes he made up for in foot work and mobility. He reminded me of a young Troy Smith. You may remember him (cough cough, Heisman winner). With Miller at the helm, OSU pounded out a 37-17 win over Colorado, finally lighting a fire under what felt like a hot mess of a offense last week.

Does this mean Ohio State going to re-emerge this year, nabbing a Big Ten Title? I don’t know. But if you listen really closely, you can hear the entire state of Ohio exhaling.

West Virginia Freaking Out About T-Shirts

By | September 24, 2011 | College Football | 1 Comment

So ESPN College Game Day is headed to West Virginia for the first time this weekend, to showcase the WVU-LSU matchup. Fun, right?

Well, it seems the prospect of national tv coverage is causing some hand-wringing over at WVU.

WVU fans are famous for celebrating athletic victories by setting fire to upholstered furniture- their fan sites include “couchfiresports.com” and “wemustignitethiscouch.com”.

West Virginia Fans Like to Light Things On Fire. Is that so wrong?

Image: pittsburghblackandgold.blogspot.com

Well, with ESPN coming to town, it seems WVU is trying to clean up its image:  the Morgantown fire chief issued over 700 warnings threatening to issue citations to people who leave tempting, burnable couches out in their yards “We’ve got ESPN game day coming,” he said. “The eyes of the nation are going to be on us.”

Because burning couches is fine, you guys, but only in the privacy of your own state.  Other states might be watching this week.  Be cool.

Now, the WVU booster club is turning its attention to a bunch of popular tshirts that say “West Fuckin Virginia.”

West Fuckin Virginia.

Image: Deadspin.com

Concerned that the tshirts might be “offensive,” the Mountaineer Maniacs are offering a “Tshirt amnesty” program to try to keep the shirts off tv.  Anyone who turns in a “West Fuckin Virginia” tshirt will receive a voucher for $20 towards an officially licensed (and thus totally boring) tshirt.

Image: thecampussocialite.com

“This is a great opportunity for students to make the right decision and gain something in return for having great sportsmanship,” said Maniacs Director Steve Staffileno. “The Mountaineer Maniacs always promote positive sportsmanship from all WVU students and fans.”

So, to summarize: WVU fans are enthusiastic, rowdy, and like to set couches on fire and swear. ESPN decides to bring Game Day to West Virginia because there’s a big game and great fans.  It suddenly occurs to officials that “um, we should probably hide our pyromaniac tendencies and foul mouths, lest the rest of the country think that we are a bunch of backwoods hicks.”

To which I say: relax, officials.  Everyone already thinks that anyway.

Blog Widget by LinkWithin
← Older Entries