It’s Saturday, Do You Know Where Randy Moss Is? | Draft Day Suit

It’s Saturday, Do You Know Where Randy Moss Is?

And you know what that means, boys and girls?  Where’s Moss-o?  That’s right!  Today is the day I have to figure out which team Randy Moss is on this week and see if they have a bye/if Moss is playing/when his new team is planning on trading him/when that team’s bye week is/if Roy Williams is still sentient enough to play in an NFL game in case something ELSE goes wrong.  That’s a tall order and probably a little too much Randy-time for a lowly fake-team commissioner.

Where's Randy?  He's in there.  Look!  Please?  It took me way too long to place him in there.  It'd really mean a lot to me.  I'll even give you a hint: he's next to Waldo.

Where's Randy? He's in there. Look! Please? It took me way too long to place him in there. It'd really mean a lot to me. I'll even give you a hint: he's next to Waldo.

Randy is like having a crazy girlfriend, except you’re married.  He is the Glenn Close of fantasy football players.  One day he’s scoring touchdowns for you via the Patriots and the next thing you know – rabbit stew!  Normally, I am a very practical guy and I try to avoid all the drama of owning a guy like Randy Moss.  I take the high road and don’t draft guys like that.  But then I realize most leagues demand/suggest you start a receiver or three.

Let’s be honest, as a group, we’re not talking about rocks of stability.  In fact, outside of the Colts’ receivers (who apparently are reigned in by Peyton Manning’s strong pimp hand, although Marvin may have went a little wayward.  It’s always the same story right?  “Nice guy, kept to himself.  Great with the kids in the neighborhood.  Maybe a little overprotective of his carwash, etc.”) and Andre Johnson the average NFL receiver is a little too wild for the Bad Girls Club and if you’ve seen The Soup you know those bitches be crazy!

It seems Randy has landed himself in Tennessee (two n’s, two s’s, four e’s Randy, but not all right next to each other).  I was pushing for Cincinnati this time around, but hey, the season’s young.  What would that show be called?  Probably, “What the Fuck Are the Bengals Doing Now?”

At any rate, dang.  It’s Tennessee’s bye week.  Great.  Looks like Roy’s getting the start.  Or maybe I can pick-up a homeless guy on waivers.  Thanks for nothing, Randy — nothing but headaches and rack of rabbit.

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