NFL Week 2: Well That Was Weird

NFL Week 2: Same as the first but a little bit louder and a little bit worse.

Not really worse, but equally strange. The New Orleans Saints, Green Bay Packers, Pittsburgh Steelers and Houston Texans are all 2-0. That is fairly expected but you know who else is 2 – 0? The Miami Dolphins, The Tampa Bay Buccaneers, The Chicago Bears and The Kansas City Chiefs.

I’m not complaining, but Tampa Bay and Kansas City? What is this 1999?

Yeah, I kind of wish too.

The Vikings and Cowboys are 0-2? I didn’t see that coming.

But back to the future! Let’s talk about week two.

Buffalo Bills 7, Green Bay Packers 34

I think we were all anticipating Green Bay to beat Buffalo, but OUCH.

I mean ouch unless you have Aaron Rogers as your fantasy quarterback.

Miami Dolphins 14, Minnesota Vikings 10

I don’t mean to gloat but maybe next time Favre will stay retired.

This game seemed like such a gimme. Didn’t The Vikings kick ass all over the place last year? What happened to the Purple Jesus?

Kansas City Chiefs 16, Cleveland Browns 14

Picking this game was like choosing between the lesser of two evils. I’m not even sure the Chiefs’ mothers are impressed with this victory.

Chicago Bears 27, Dallas Cowboys 20

The Cowboys haven’t been 0-2 since 2001. Bears fans, you might want to keep holding your breath for another week – Jay Cutler is about as inconsistent as they come.

Arizona Cardinals 7, Atlanta Falcons 41

The Falcons wrecked Arizona with their third string running back.

Harsh.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers 20, Carolina Panthers  7

The smart money here was on Carolina at home. Of course I picked Tampa Bay, but it was a total homer pick, even I didn’t expect them to win.

Could Josh Freeman be the future? Gerald McCoy is pretty great, right? I won’t start gloating quite yet – the Bucs have broken my heart before many, many times.

Philadelphia Eagles 35, Detroit Lions 32

For a while I thought Detroit was going to pull off a win against Philadelphia. The problem is that we all spent so much time hating Mike Vick that we forgot how fucking good he was. And how fast he is.

Andy Reid just remembered too. Reid has named Michael Vick the starting quarterback of the Philadelphia Eagles. Sorry Kevin Kolb, your 15 minutes is up.

Baltimore Ravens 10, Cincinnati Bengals 15

What say you, Ray Lewis?

I think Ray thinks The Ravens should have won.

Pittsburgh Steelers 19, Tennessee Titans 11

By the time this game ended it was Charlie Batch against Kerry Collins.

I was kidding before but I really think there might have been a time warp back to 1999.

The Steelers also ended Chris Johnson’s 12 game streak of 100+ yard games.

Pittsburgh seems awfully good at winning considering they are on their third string quarterback. My odds are 7:10 that Mike Tomlin sold his soul to the devil.

Seattle Seahawks 14, Denver Broncos 31

Kyle Orton threw for 307 yards? Two touchdowns and no interceptions?

Are you sure it was really Kyle Orton? The same guy that is always on drunkathlete.com? I’m being punk’d right?

St. Louis Rams 14, Oakland Raiders 16

This game was almost as compelling as the Kansas City/Cleveland game.  The score was exactly the same too. Did anyone actually watch either of these games? Do you think it was the same game and Ted Turner colorized the uniforms in the second game? Probably. Would anyone care? I mean, I guess Frank would care, but other than him?

Houston Texans 30, Washington Redskins 27

This was a crazy game. The Redskins led for the first three quarters. I kept yelling to my husband who was in the kitchen  ”THE REDSKINS ARE STILL BEATING HOUSTON”. I couldn’t believe it.

Then Houston made a comeback and tied it up.

Then there was the eternal nail biting over time.

It was nuts.

Of course Houston won in the end. This pissed off all of my neighbors, but I was happy because if The Redskins go 2-0 this town goes insane with Super Bowl talk. I don’t know if you have noticed, but D.C. isn’t that great with moderation.

New England Patriots 14, New York Jets 28

You know what I like? Seeing the Patriots lose. I don’t even hate them, I just think they win way more than their fair share.

Plus (and I think I told you this last week) I kind of love Rex Ryan after watching Hard Knocks. In fact, I kind of love The Jets after watching that show. I feel really dirty saying that, but it is true. I love Rex Ryan for having a filthier mouth than me (oh believe you me I clean up my language for the internet). When Revis was out for the game I thought I was going to cry. I looked at my husband and said “Revis is out. After all of that.” and we were silent. It was like when Omar got shot on The Wire.

Braylon Edwards even got a touchdown. You know, before he got arrested for a DUI.

Moron.

I don’t know why I continue to draft him if he is just going to get arrested all of the time. Doesn’t he now have to play for Cincinnati by default?

Jacksonville Jaguars 13, San Diego Chargers 38

The Chargers defense forced six turnovers. David Garrard was intercepted four times. Defenses win games. The end.

New York Giants 14, Indianapolis Colts 38

The Manning Bowl makes me ill at ease.

It just seems all Hey look Dad! My cock is bigger than Eli’s. I hate that. At least the media downplays the fact that they are brothers.

*rolls eyes*

I had to turn off the game. I couldn’t stand all the shots of Archie and Olivia Manning trying to pretend they weren’t rooting for one of their sons more than the other.

New Orleans Saints 25, San Francisco 49ers 22

This was a good game. It was close. It was exciting and Frank Gore got me enough points to win in my money league.

What more could you ask for?

Oh right, Monday Night Football not being on so freaking late. Some of us have to work in the morning. I’m looking at you ESPN.

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Sarah has trouble staying awake for MNF.

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[Atlanta photo: John Bazemore]

[Tomlin photo: Doug Benc]