The ESPN Fashion Police In Effect

Apparently ESPN correspondent Tony Kornheiser is moonlighting as the Fashion Police based on the recent barrage of insults he hurled at ESPN’s Hannah Storm’s attire. I’ll give him points for also trying to embrace his inner literati for including some Dennis Miller-style stingers like calling her a “Holden Caufield Fantasy”. Ah….now say something witty about Moe Green. Reference heavy insults are always classy.

For some unknown reason, a female sports anchor’s attire was more important than her skill or professionalism. His remark that  “she looks like she has a sausage casing wrapping around her upper body” was just one example of the bizarre insults he hurled out of nowhere at his peer. They seem like something that a woman who has proven her merits shouldn’t have to accept – yet there she sits, in that skirt he so disapproved of, accepting his apology for his ridiculous cave man behavior.

Apparently he’s issued an apology, gotten suspended and tried to explain/defend himself on his radio show. “He’s a sarcastic guy” he says. AH. You have sarcasm at your disposal, so it’s okay to say whatever you like no matter how hurtful or rude? I wasn’t aware you had SARCASM man, I’m sorry. Here I am getting my little feminist feelings hurt.

But while we’re at it – I’m a rather SARCASTIC girl who writes on a sports blog (when I’m not being all barefoot and pregnant). And you know what I notice?

I notice that you are wearing a tie that has browns which don’t properly complement your jacket. The yellow looks like police tape yellow – which I think is a questionable choice given your skin tone. You have a receding hairline which makes me think that you either can’t afford Rogaine or you lack the cajones to accept your fate and be cool enough to be bald.

And OH MY GOD why is your nose so big? Seriously, ESPN pays well, I’d expect. Can you not get that reduced with just a wee bit of rhinoplasty? Your left ear appears to be longer than your right ear which lends a disconcerting assymmetry to your face. In fact, it weirds me out.

I’m just a sports blogger. I’m a sarcastic girl. I don’t mean any harm.

Oh, and I bet this guy goes through more sunglasses than Moe Green.

Please add five points to my score for the Moe Green reference.