Draft Day Suit

Who will win the Super Stupid Bowl?

That is what everyone is wondering. Now, I don’t want to run afoul of the ad whizzes at NFL.com, so I am afraid to use the technical name for this Sunday’s American Grey Cup in this here blog post. Copyright, (TM), “can only be used with the express written consent of Roger Goodell, Esquire,” etc.

On my personal blog, I just post it all over, not crossed out, because no one reads that, but here, no such luxury. In fact, I think that even THINKING of “that game’s” name makes me legally liable to pay the NFL my first-born child (2/23 – mark your calendars!)

I hope said child is good at the football, otherwise, child may get sent back.

So, let’s analyze this. Is the game outside? Yes? Ok, tough for both teams if there are “elements.” Will it be snowing? Go ahead and laugh but there’s some crazy stuff happening. If it does snow, I hope that it’s not windy, because when you’re blowing snow into the wind, most of your face freezes – not that that happened to me earlier tonight or anything.

To be honest, neither team really impressed me during the playoffs, in which, of course, they were both undefeated, so shows how much I know.

And really, I think most of us can agree that the game is unimportant. Who will win, who will lose, who really knows?

But what do you really need to know? I’ll tell you. You really need to know how to throw a Super sweet party. This involves:

• Beer.
• Multiple televisions. The good TV is for people who care/can name more than three players participating in the game (except players intimately related to Kim Kardashian.) The bad TV is for those more interested in the commercials. The bad TV should not have a AT&T U-Verse box attached to it. The owner of the bad TV should try to hook up his analog antenna to it and stare at the fuzz for a good 30 minutes before remembering that said analog device requires one of those digital converter boxes. Then maybe you’ll run the antenna out the door with an extended Coax cable. Or maybe you’ll splurge on that extra box, who’s to say?
• Pizza/wings.
• Good peoples. “Forget” to invite your lame friends.
• Monday off from work. Be sure your boss doesn’t tell you Friday morning that you need to attend a training on Monday when you had planned on taking Monday off from work. Oh the humanity.
• A good game. No one wants to watch the Bears trounce the Patriots. A good game goes a long way to a great party.
• Cold weather. Why? See #1. Cold weather can keep lots of beer cold by making your sun room a giant refrigerator. Yes, this is the #1 (and only) advantage to living in a cold-weather climate.

That’s all you need.

And about that game. Who WILL win? Geez. I don’t know. Take the Saints. And maybe some of the points. Just don’t let the suits hear you say “Who dat?”