Archive for October, 2009

OH NO! I’m a nervous Yankees fan!

By | October 26, 2009 | Baseball | 1 Comment

“Oh no! The Yankees are trailing! Wait. No they’re not. They’re winning, but it’s ever so close! It’s troubling me! We’ve waited oh-so-many years for our 87th championship. Few can understand the horror of all this losing! When was our last win? 3 years ago? Has it been longer? Please tell me not. I don’t think I can bear it. We must expand our payroll to 8.3 billion next year. That’s it! We will sign EVERY player in Major League Baseball to a contract! Yes. And those we won’t fit on our roster, we can give money to simply NOT play. Then we will win every year! It will be top-notch! I will gladly pay another 1500 dollars for my seat to make it so!

If the Yankees lose this game, I will be so upset I’ll fire one of my maids. Yes, I’ll do that. The one that left a watermark on my quartz counter top a fortnight ago! The nerve of that woman! It marred my reflection! I bet she’s an Angels fan. I’m sure of it. The butler, I can’t recall his name, found her singing the praises of that Vladimir Guerrero fellow – in song form! Ghastly! And why does Los Angeles have the world’s greatest Russian baseball player and not the Yankees? It is a tragedy of the worst kind! How can we be expected to win, yet again, without quality Siberian scouting?? Egads man being a fan is so dreadful!

It has been months since we’ve won a shiny, shiny trophy. I swear on Louis Comfort Tiffany that if we don’t win this year I will no longer christen my new yachts Yankee Clipper (XI, XII, XIII, etc.). It is too much to ask of me! AND I will fire Admiral Girardi! He is not related, but how can I sail the Mediterranean with such a non-championshippy man? I shan’t! OHHH, the vapors are upon me!

The is the most horrible of days! Oh wait. We’ve won. Glorious. Prescott – to the Bentley!”

The NFL Loves a Good Slasher Film

By | October 24, 2009 | Football | 3 Comments

OK I’ve already ranted but it’s a new season and we’ve got a new URL so HERE I GO AGAIN.

Dear Marketing Goons of the NFL,

I know that selling off advertising space during your games is fantastically lucrative and helps you pay for things like players retirement and insurance and whatever the hell else you guys do. And I’m OK with you being a FOR PROFIT institution. I am not asking you to be a charity.

What I am asking you to do, is to reflect, oh so briefly, on the fact that there are LITERALLY thousands of companies with the cash to pay for a spot on Sunday afternoon games. TONS AND TONS AND TONS.

So why, oh why, when the little old ladies are just pulling off their gloves after church are you people blasting SAW XXVIIIV commercials? See, I was a real TV Nazi for several years with my children. I’ve lightened up. I never used to let them watch network TV that hadn’t been TiVo’d because of inappropriate content.

My children are 7, 5 and 5. Their mother LOVES a good slasher movie. However, it is my preference that they not even know they EXIST.

To show you that I’m reasonable, I’d never ask you to STOP showing these sort of commercials during night games. If my kids are up late well then that’s my issue isn’t it? But really – 1:47 pm on a Sunday just isn’t appropriate.

I want football games to be FAMILY time. Apple Pie, the USA and the NFL and all that jazz – coming through my television as we root for the Colts or the Falcons. I want it to be positive, where we talk about sportsmanship or why Ray Lewis now and forever shall be a thug.

What I don’t want, is to have to frantically grab my children saying “LOOK AWAY LOOK AWAY” why my husband quickly grabs the remote.

I won’t get into the ethics of slasher films, they’re a pretty base genre but I’ll admit to liking them. I’d have probably gone to the Colosseum as well and enjoyed watching the Christians get theirs.

But I wouldn’t have taken my kids.jigsaw431x300

I’m asking the NFL to please not make me turn into Tipper Gore on this issue.

She has sort of bad hair. And she annoys me.

Mets Owner Made $48 Million in Madoff Scam

By | October 21, 2009 | Baseball, Unsportmanlike Conduct | 1 Comment

Were you under the impression that nobody made any money in the Bernie Madoff debacle except Madoff and his family?

Think again.

The owner of the Mets made $48 million.

Not too shabby.

According to ESPN.com:

The Mets Limited Partnership, which is connected to the Wilpon family, led by Mets owner Fred Wilpon, deposited $522.8 million in two accounts with Madoff and withdrew $570.6 million, according to a Monday filing by court-appointed trustee Irving Picard.

Neat, huh?

And who could not be reached for comment? You guessed it. The Mets.

mets logo

The Change Has Come

By | October 13, 2009 | Football | 1 Comment
AH THE FALCONS !!!

AH THE FALCONS !!!

When I moved to Atlanta, the first thing that stunned me, was that there were actually FALCONS fans here. At that time, Vick was the QB and they sucked a lot despite his talent.
I couldn’t fathom being a fan of this team. I’ve waited patiently, for them to give me something to love. Show me some spirit – wow me with talent.
It would never be enough for Atlanta to be my home team. The Colts will always be my home team, the team I loved through Jeff George and Jim Harbaugh and others – I couldn’t invest in another team of losers – to wait 20 years for them NOT to be a flippin joke.

But, I am here to confess. I am looking forward to Falcons games.

The FALCONS are good.

They have romanced me – and the affair has begun. WHO KNEW?
I still bleed blue and white – but you know, I scab over red and black.

Can the Rockies do it?

By | October 9, 2009 | Baseball | 1 Comment

As a Rockies fan from day one I was over the moon in 2007 when the Rockies finally made it to the post-season with flair. “Rocktober” was coined that year. The whole nation learned who Tulowitski was and why the Denverites loved him so. I don’t know anyone that was anything more than simply disapionted that year when they lost-we were just happy to see them in the World Series.

Fast forward to Spring 2009 and Rockies fans had all but forgotten. After firing Clint Hurdle, the manager that took them to that series, no one, probably not even the Rockies, thought that they would overcome their 10-games-under-.500 deficit to enter the post season with a 92-70 record that had the likes of the Dodgers sweating their last 3 games of the year.

Saturday the Rockies will return to Denver to try and finish out their series with the Phillies at home. (The series is currently tied, 1-1.) While in Philadelphia they were able to pull off what no other team was able to do in the post season last year-beat the Phillies on their home turf. As the defending World Champs, the Phillies are a tough team to beat while they are the visiting team, with a 48-33 record on the road this year. But then again, the Rockies are one of the best home teams in the major leagues with a 51-30 home field record. With both Todd Helton and Brad Hawpe under-performing so far this post season so far, and past due for some fireworks, we could be looking at an exciting end to this series at Coors Field.

That is, if you’re a Rockies fan like me.

Blog Widget by LinkWithin
← Older Entries