Archive for September, 2009

I come from a tennis  family. I received my first tennis racket and tennis whites from my cousins when I was 4 years old. Every summer, I lived and breathed playing tennis, whether it was taking my racket to a public park in New York City and hitting a bright yellow ball against a graffiti-ed wall or backhanding a volley with my dad on the court at our country house in upstate New York.  Knowing this, it will come as no surprise that some of my favorite summer memories involve watching tennis on TV (or the Telly as my family called it) with the whole fam damily. In particular the US Open was must-see tennis TV in our household. During this time, my dad and cousins would serve up the scotch, or the Tom Collins, and I would sip on my own special drink, a tonic water with a slice of lemon.  All of us would munch on an assortment of  gourmet crackers and cheeses, olives and crudite’ with the understanding that we would speak only during commercial breaks. When I got to high school I would joke that “Intennis” would be an acceptable term to use for our intensity when it came to watching any of the Grand Slams.When I got the chance at 15 to go with my mother to England for the summer, you bet your sweet arse I took the train out to Wimbledon all by myself so I could stand at center court and watch some of the greatest of the greats play ball.  Sipping a Pims cup, eating strawberries and cream. Ahhhh this was the life!

Despite my own interest in tennis, my sons really hadn’t developed the same affection for watching it on TV, however  after summer camp last year, my kids came back with a renewed interest in tennis. And I was of course very happy about it.  So over the weekend the kids and I were watching the US Open Women’s Singles Semi Final between Serena Williams and Kim Clijsters Since my family is not as “intennis” about watching, we do talk during the matches. We discussed how Kim is a new mom, how she took a year off from playing and is now coming back and doing so well.  I am quite proud of my sons that they recognize women in sports as being equally impressive as men being on the court, field or diamond.   My children understand the great equalizer is as much about athletic  prowess as it is about sportsmanship (sportspersonship?), so you can well imagine my kids were surprised to see Serena Williams lose her shit on the court, not once, but twice.

When Serena lost the first set to Kim, she threw her own racket down and broke it.  Okay, well this isn’t anything new. I remember watching John McEnroe do the same thing in 1981 at Wimbledon. And the response from the officials to Serena’s outburst was to lob her a warning and play continued which historically is how such tantrums have been handled.  I explained this to my sons as they wondered why she wasn’t just told to leave the game if she couldn’t play nice. But then came the  “foot fault“  called on Serena.

My children and I watched as Serena cursed out the lineswoman, not once, but twice.   While the audio of her tirade wasn’t able to be heard, I would be kidding myself if I didn’t think my 9 year old and my 13 year old missed lip-reading the word “fucking” being said by Serena repeatedly. It didn’t go unnoticed by me, but  I waited to say anything until I heard an audible confirmation from the two of them that they had figured it out. “Mom, did you see what she just said?” Confirmation complete.    We all watched as Serena challenged the lineswoman, the Chair, Donna Kelso the Grand Slam Supervisor and Brian Earley the US Open Referee.  Visions of John McEnroe danced in my head. I remember watching him tantrum on the court many times, it was  afer all what he was known for, just as Jimmy Connors was known to have a potty mouth.   So as I watched what was unfolding, I was trying to think how my own parents addressed the bad behavior I sometimes saw when I watched Jimmy and John. And you know what? They didn’t say a thing to me about it.  Nope, they didn’t use it as a teachable moment, they did not discuss the replay.   I know. Sounds horrible doesn’t it as we look through today’s lens of overly intense parenting practices? But I assure you, I’m on it.

Basically it comes down to this, if you are teaching your kids right from wrong, they know it and can see it for themselves. Nothing tops personal experience and direct observation.  So, it was with this in mind that I said nothing to my sons about what they think they lip-read or what they saw Serena do. We did discuss a little bit about ”roid rage” and wondered together if that was what we were seeing in Serena, but at the same time hoped it was not the case. I listened as they both talked to each other about how even when under pressure, you just can’t say and do whatever it is you feel like doing.  Both of the kids brought up that Serena wasn’t respectful to the lineswoman and the sport in general.

When it was announced on Sportscenter that Serena had been fined $10,000 for unsportsmanshipconduct and another $500 dollars for racket abuse my sons reinforced my decision to not overparent them in the moment as they both chimed in simultaneously, “She deserved that.”   And that my friends, is a double grand slam in the parenting department. In lieu of a trophy,  I’ll just grab a tonic water and a slice lemon for old times sake.