I’m serious man. Could I CARE LESS about anything except like Brittnee Spears (or however she spells her name).
Historically, it all started with the GREAT BASEBALL STRIKE. Remember the STRIKE? In 1994 they cancelled BASEBALL. Remember? They cancelled an entire sport?
And America said, “Okay Baseball -well, mostly fuck you too.”
I mean, you gotta like baseball, baseball games are a blast to go to – you drink some six dollar beer, get really drunk by the 7th – sing the song LOUD during the stretch (especially if’n you are a Cubbies Fan) and well………it’s an event.
But you know, that LOVE. That warm OH MY GOD THE BIG RED MACHINE IS ON TV TODAY AND I’M MISSING IT sort of love……..well….it faded.
Well then the strike was over and we were all supposed to come running back and make sweet love to a sport that had gotten up and left before we got ours that summer.
And we didn’t.
We said “Yeah well we can see you when we’re not washing our hair or you know, out on a date with someone we take seriously like the NBA or NFL…….you can be our bootie call. But a steady relationship? Mmmmmm, you’re JUST not steady relationship material, baseball. You flaked out babe, I dunno.”
So they decided to get smexy.
The players had to break the records, it had to be AN EVENT. GREAT AMERICAN HISTORY BEING MADE as heroes were hitting them out ONE after the other after the OTHER…..
and well…..
Just like a bunch of girls……we were kind of excited. We enjoyed the fancy restaurant and the dancing but you know….long term? Well, we decided to date you but left ourselves open to date other people.
But you’ve continued to use steroids, Baseball.
And here is what is sort of new, I guess. Like that boyfriend who just won’t put down the joint – eventually – we don’t even care anymore. We’re looking for other things out of you to keep us happy. We might not know what that is yet, but we’re still looking for it – and have been since 1994.
I’m bored, let’em dope. Manny Ramirez – enjoy your time off.
Yes.
What you just said.