Rays Fans, You Are Welcome

I moved from Tampa to the D.C. Metro Area almost three years ago. I will never give up my allegiance to the Buccaneers but I try to root for the D.C. teams – especially if I go to one of the games.

About a year ago I decided to adopt a local team as my own. I am seriously making the effort to convert over to the Washington Capitals but I still have a soft place in my heart for the Lightning. See, the Tampa Bay Lightning won the Stanley Cup the same week I brought my babies home from the hospital. Plus, the Lightning and the Caps are in the same division so it makes the whole thing awkward.

I’ve never been a huge baseball fan but I supported the Rays (back when they were the Devil Rays which is a much cooler name and shame on Tampa for caving to the Bible beaters who have too much free time and don’t understand that a devil ray is an actual animal) in spirit if not in attendance. Of course, the Rays always sucked and they were in such a strong division that they never stood a chance of winning crap, and their ballpark was crappy and the organization was poorly run and the owners never seemed to be putting any money into the team, so rooting for them was never that much fun.

At the end of May I went to my first Nationals game. It was a beautiful day and I was there with good friends, there was lots of beer and Luke Duke sang the National Anthem. My husband and I decided to buy the Goon Squad some Nats gear. I was so charmed by the beautiful new stadium and the fantastic seats that I was considering switching over.

I’ll have you know that the Tampa Bay Devil Ray’s winning streak began the day after I bought my kids Washington National baseball caps.

So you are welcome Devil Rays and Rays fans. I seem to have magically lifted the curse by rejecting my old team.

Maybe I should sell my services to the Orlando Magic ownership for the coming up season.

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Beating Bill Simmons: Week Four

I’m having trouble figuring out this season. Here’s what I do know: the Cowboys look incredible and St. Louis looks like a high school team.

Here are my picks for week four (home teams in CAPS, Bill’s picks in red):

Broncos (-9) over CHIEFS
Does Kansas City know the season’s started?

BENGALS (-3.5) over Browns
The Browns are averaging an impressive 8.7 points per game this year.

Texans (+7.5) over JAGUARS
Jacksonville always seems to play at the level of the team they’re playing. I can’t see them beating anyone by 8.

Cardinals (+1) over JETS
I don’t think the Jets can keep up with Arizona’s offense.

49ers (+6) over SAINTS
I know they were playing the Lions, but San Francisco impressed me last weekend.

Falcons (+7.5) over PANTHERS
I can’t see the Panthers winning by 8. In fact, I’m worried they won’t win this game.

TITANS (-3) over Vikings
Peterson and Taylor are both listed as questionable.

Packers (+1.5) over BUCS
If Orton can pass for 250+ with 2 TDs, Rodgers will get at least 300 and 3 scores.

Bills (-8) over RAMS
The line could be 18 and I’d still take the Bills.

Chargers (-7) over RAIDERS
San Diego finally got their act together last Monday.

Eagles (-3) over BEARS
Even if Westbrook’s out, this game won’t be close.

COWBOYS (-11) over Redskins
11 points is a lot to give to 2-1 team, but I think Dallas will win by at least 2 TDs.

Ravens (+5.5) over STEELERS
The Steelers have gone six quarters without scoring a touchdown.

Last Week
Me: 8-8
Simmons: 10-6

Season
Me: 23-23-1
Simmons: 23-23-1

DISCLAIMER: This is provided for entertainment purposes only. If you follow my advice, you are a fool.

Seriously, if you ever spend money based on something I say, have your head examined.

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Return of the TouchDown Monkey

Time to Bring Him Back.

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Beating Bill Simmons: Week Three

No intro this week. Here are my picks (home teams in CAPS, Bill’s picks in red):

FALCONS (-5.5) over Chiefs
Did you see what the Raiders did to the Chiefs last week? Look for Turner to come close to his Week 1 numbers this week.

Raiders (+9.5) over BILLS
Buffalo has looked damn good so far this year. While I think they’ll win this game, I can’t see them winning by 10 or more.

TITANS (-5) over Texans
Does anyone that’s not a fan of these two teams care about this game?

Dolphins (+13) over PATRIOTS
New England will win but won’t cover.

BEARS (-3) over Bucs
I still think Garcia should be QB.

Rams (+9.5) over SEAHAWKS
The Rams are AWFUL. But the Seahawks aren’t much better.

Panthers (+3.5) over VIKINGS
Carolina will win this one even if Adrian Peterson plays.

NINERS (-4) over Lions
Mike Martz will enjoy running up the score in this one.

GIANTS (-13) over Bengals
Fact: Carson Palmer sucks. He has 18 TDs and 21 INTs in his past 16 games.

EAGLES (-3) over Steelers
Philadelphia almost beat Dallas on Monday. Pittsburgh barely got by Cleveland.

Cards (+3) over Redskins
Still not feeling the Redskins. I am feeling Arizona, though.

COLTS (-5) over Jaguars
Indy has looked pretty bad this year, but not as bad as Jacksonville.

RAVENS (-2.5) over Browns
Is Cleveland really this bad? Or does it just appear that way because their two opponents have been Dallas and Pittsburgh?

BRONCOS (-5.5) over Saints
The Cutler/Marshall attack looked unstoppable last week.

Cowboys (-3) over PACKERS
I don’t think Green Bay’s offense can keep pace with the Cowboys’ offense.

Jets (+10) over CHARGERS
San Diego will start the season 0-3.

Last Week
Me: 8-6-1
Simmons: 7-7-1

Season
Me: 15-15-1
Simmons: 13-17-1

DISCLAIMER: This is provided for entertainment purposes only. If you follow my advice, you are a fool.

Seriously, if you ever spend money based on something I say, have your head examined.

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How To Tell If The Colts Are Gonna Lose

It’s easy. Peyton Manning lets you know almost every game. Here is the secret.

If Manning is sitting on the sidelines WEARING his helmet….it’s over.

I love me some Manning, but he wears his heart on his sleeve. And when that helmet doesn’t come off – he’s mentally beaten. Almost everytime. I used to suspect he was crying but now, I think he’s just hiding inside of it.

Now, if THIS guy is sitting on the sidelines….

You’re toast.

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